Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Finals week fatigue

Current feeling
This semester, I decided it would be a brilliant idea to take 18 credit hours, which is the maximum ODU allows. Now that finals have rolled around, I'm definitely feeling the weight of these classes. I have 6 finals and so far, I have completed 4 of them. None of which have I felt confident about. I'm so mentally drained from everything I have going on that I just want to crawl into bed and lay there like a dead fish. Vivid, right? I'm just ready for the semester to be over already. However, next semester will not be much better. I'm most likely taking 18 credits, again. Not by choice mind you, but I know I can do it. I just might not have much sanity once it's over. Not only will I be taking 18 credit hours, but I will have 2 or 3 jobs on top of it all. Some days, I have no idea how I manage to get myself out of bed. Honestly. Haha.
I talked to my mom for an hour and a half tonight on the phone. Which is rather surprising. Sometimes, I'll be honest, I don't want to call her. Just because it's like, "Ugh mom yes I'm studying for the love of God stop nagging me..." But I enjoy when my mom and I can just talk on the phone and have a nice conversation for a while. We're trying to decide what plans to make for NYE. I convinced her not to throw a NYE party, THANK GOD. Instead of sitting at home, we thought it would be nice to go out maybe to Richmond and enjoy some festivities. The only problem is that everything is so outrageously expensive that we might reconsider. Too, my argument is that we live so close to Richmond, why would we rent a hotel room and stay up there for the night? Personally, I'd rather stay home, cuddle with my cats, drink, and just enjoy their company sitting in front of the fire and watching the ball drop on TV.
Now that I'm rarely home from college, I really value the time when I can just sit at home and relax. At school, I'm busy running here and there and doing whatever it is. When I'm home, I just want to chill. My life is a constant schedule of where to be, when, what I need to get done, and how much I need to accomplish before the day is over. Sometimes I just want to say, "Fuck it all..." and not do anything at all. Oh, the busy life of a college student. I'm sure some people would say, "Oh stop your bitching..." when really, all I can do is bitch about it. I always get my work done and stay on top of my schedule. I'm extremely organized in that way, so I think I have earned the right to bitch about whatever I want.

Speaking of which, let me stop and get back to my homework. 

Until next time,

L M Butler

Sunday, December 7, 2014

Let's catch up.

Well, this is awkward. I let myself take a break from blogging to focus on other things, and that break turned into 3 years... I apologize to everyone. In a nutshell, here's the past three years....

High School - Junior year ending:

Went decent. Lost some friends. Kept some friends. Honestly, at this point, it's all a blur. So, obviously it wasn't but so important.

High School - Senior year:

WOOT! Finally graduated. Class of 2013. Applied for Old Dominion University as my only choice. Got in. Worked like a dog at my least favorite restaurant. Got close to a guy in band. Long story short, he was a total pot head who used me as a source of comfort while we were seniors. Once we graduated, he became old news and got into deeper situations with drugs. I'm glad I grew out of that phase.

ODU - Freshman year:

Came in as a mechanical engineering major. That got old REALLY quick. Changed my major 3 times. Mechanical Engn to Computer Science to Political Science. Yeah, I know, BIG jump. However, now that I'm in political science, I am absolutely in love. I'm pursuing a minor in International Studies as well, so that should be riveting. I changed roommates twice this year. My first roommate turned from a wonderful girl to a psychotic bitch within two months. I had to move or, in all honesty, I probably would have killed her. She was absolutely awful to me. My second roommate was one of my good friends from high school. Her and I became very close, but definitely had our struggles once we began living together. After everything, I love her like my sister and I hope we remain friends for the rest of our lives. She ended up leaving ODU for a nursing program back home, so everything worked out in the end for both of us.
Met a sweet and wonderful guy. He helped me a lot when it came to my Computer Science major. Another long story short, I ripped his heart out. He was literally TOO nice. I like a man who can stand his ground with my outgoing and outspoken attitude. He just didn't make the cut.

ODU - Sophomore year:

Technically, I'm only spending one semester as a sophomore. I have too many credits after this semester so HEY JUNIOR. I live in a single room this year which is amazing. I made an amazing best friend at the end of Freshman year who is my ride or die girl now. Her name is Aaliyah and I could not ask for a more wonderful person to walk with me through life. This semester, I have really had some major ups and downs. I do not want to go into serious details, but I was assaulted by a close friend of mine. It really made me realize who my true friends are and how situations change people. I have gotten myself back into counseling because I need that 'outsider looking in' perspective. I know I have my friends and family, but sometimes they can seem bias. I genuinely hope that things will look up.
Here lately, I have really become accustomed to the feeling of loneliness. Quite frankly, it sucks. I do not want to think of marriage anytime soon, but it would be nice to have a boyfriend. Hell, I haven't had a boyfriend since I was a Freshman in HIGH SCHOOL. This is fine, but seeing everyone else with someone to hold really gets tiring when you are alone. I'm sure anybody can relate to that. Here lately, every guy I meet either isn't as interested in me as I am in them, or vice versa. This one guy is really interested in me but I cannot even force myself to like him. It just isn't going to happen. Poor guy... Then the one guy I can really see myself in a relationship with gave me the, "You're really nice and fun to spend time with, I just don't want to date you...." speech. Okay, cool.

It is what it is sometimes...
Currently rolling with the punches.
I promise that I will post more soon. No more three-year-long breaks.

L M Butler