It's a promise

Spring time

When the day that I die comes, I will be able to have said that I tried. I tried to make something of myself in life. I tried to be a good person. I tried not to hold grudges. I tried to be happy as much as possible. I tried to give the benefit of the doubt to anyone. Everything. I will be able to say that I have left no stone unturned. I am quite proud of that.

Here lately, just like in my last post, Murphy's Law is being one hell of a butt kicker. It never fails that when something good happens, something bad follows it. I mean, I got kidney stones for the ninth or tenth (I lost track) time, I wrecked my vehicle, I lost a few good friends, drama at school is being a pain, my grades were slipping, I have no date for prom, the guy that I really liked flat out stopped talking to me... The list goes on. It is complete bullshit. I try so hard to make every day a good day and try my best to be happy, despite the circumstances, but it is getting extremely difficult to always smile. Now, by nature, I smile and laugh a lot. That is just who I am as a person and I have no shame about it. On the other hand, I put up with a lot of shit from day to day. I am getting worn thin and I need a break from reality.

Thank God spring break is here. I had my wisdom teeth taken out on Thursday, so I actually got an extra day. Not for the best reason, but I will take it. The surgery went well and I am recovering just fine. Only problem is, the medicine I am taking is making me throw up everything I attempt to eat. So, lose/lose situation. Pain medicines are not able to stay in my system long enough to work and I cannot keep food down. Hah, oh well. I will live.

The last weekend of my break, I am supposed to visit ODU for their open house. I was really looking forward to it, but my mom keeps changing her mind. One minute we are going, the next we are not. I could get into a long story about how badly I want to go and all, but I will save the time. I mentioned it to my dad and asked him if he would take me instead. His response, "Well, you're not going to college anyway so I don't know why you want to bother..." Thanks dad, for having faith in me. I have the grades to go, but we have absolutely zero funds. My dad thinks I am blowing smoke up my own ass by dreaming about college and furthering my education. Sorry dad. What do you want me to say? I am just trying to ignore him. I know I can do this for myself one way or another. My parents bitch and complain like they are the ones paying for college. Well, they are not. So, no matter where I go, I will be paying for it once I graduate. If they don't want to or cannot help me, that is completely fine. However, do not sit there and complain about a problem that does not relate to you.

My parents put me down almost everyday about everything. There is nothing I can do that ever pleases them. Hell, I told my dad that I took my SAT and did very well on it. His response, "Well, aren't you a little smartass..." Like, really?! That's what you have to say to your daughter? All I can do is shake my head and move on. My parents really do not realize how often they make me feel like a worthless piece of shit. Their constant complaining about everything gets old. I am only almost 17 years old. The last thing I need is your bullshit excuse for "constructive criticism" and lack of support. From now on, I really do not care about what they have to tell me about my future. They act like they do not want to be in it anyway...

Prom is in about four weeks. I am excited but I am not. It has turned into something that is more stressful than not. The "group" I was going with has excluded me. Then, I was invited into another group, but they are having organizational issues. There are several expenses that I probably should not blow money on right now for Prom... I am almost at the "fuck it" point. I have a dress and shoes, but that is it. No date, dinner plans, etc. Yes, I could do without those things and be appreciative for what I do have. However, that takes away from the fun about Prom. It is a time to splurge on things you do not do every day. Does not look like I will be participating though... Whatever. I will just go walking or something. The last thing I will want to do is be at home that night.

Body work

So, last weekend, I wrecked the mom mobile. I was headed up to Short Pump when it started to rain cats and dogs. My friend and I decided to turn back and head home. When we were on the way back, I hydroplaned into the back of an elderly couple and ruined the front end of my vehicle. The old man made me feel awful, calling me "impatient" and "inattentive." Whatever. Add those to the list of things I do wrong... Of course, my parents are not letting me hear the end of it. "That's another expense you have cost us." "You need to pay for court, driving school, damage... Everything." You know, the typical list. To make it worse, I had a "friend" of mine say to me, "Too bad it wasn't any worse and you got hurt... That would have been more interesting." Thanks a lot asshole...

On the up side to things, I am getting my Senior portraits done in May. I only have nine more weeks until I am a Senior. I am getting ready to apply for jobs. My grades have gone back up. The weather is getting warmer. I am still alive. Those are the good things about life right now...

I try so hard to be happy, but sometimes I just cannot hide it. I try my best to make my parents proud and to be a good friend to everyone. In the end, though, it never seems to be good enough for anyone. I am not a quitter, but this shit is ridiculous.

I promise, to myself and everyone around me, I will always be someone true to myself with an open heart and make something great of myself one day. I do not know how I will do it, but I will.

L M Butler

Pot of gold

Spirit shirt I made to support Christian.
"SOLIS-SHEPPERSON"

I honestly believe that good things happen to people who channel good energy to them. I know that sounds like a hippie way of saying it, but that's the only way I can think of putting it for now. I've been in a great mood and have ignored all of the bad things going on in my life right now; and now all of a sudden a lot of things are getting better and going right. I have not been this happy in a long time.

My friends seem to be coming around. After the whole argument with beloved Shaql, I thought our friendship was completely over. As in never speaking ever again. Well, it seems that I was wrong. I finally got the chance to talk to him, and he was not as 'pissed off' as I thought he was. He is just been super super super busy, and I can understand that completely. I feel so much better about the whole situation now that he and I talked about everything. He is such a great friend and I love him to death. I do not know what I would do without him. In full honesty though, I would probably miss his smile and laugh the most. Hahah.

So, there's this guy... Hahaha. Typical starter for me, eh? Anyway, His name is Tevin. He is insanely hilarious and really sweet. He is a pretty great guy that I hope becomes a long term friend. I also got a letter from my best friend the other day. He says he is doing well but he is really struggling with being so isolated. I feel bad for him, but hell will be home soon. I can not wait to see him. 

"You're wearing #24 on you one way or another..."

Homecoming is coming up in three weeks. THREE weeks. That is it! I am going bananas. There is so much to do and nobody is helping me. Sometimes I wondering why I ran for SCA VP. All we have done so far though is figure out the themes for the Spirit Week days and the Homecoming Dance theme. However, we still have to get them approved by the administration and everything. The process is taking forever and I doubt this whole thing will go smoothly. I am so tired of having a shitty crappy HC Dance. I hope that we have better decorations this year. Wait, we WILL have better decorations this year because I am the one planning it. Duh. :)

School is going pretty good. Boswell's class is kicking my ass butt though. She is a demon lady, I swear. Hahaha. Surprisingly, AP US History is going really well. I enjoy the class and I am not doing too bad. Mr. Duncan is the best teacher ever. I take my SAT on December third, so wish me luck. I am a little nervous about it, but I think I will do pretty good. After I get my results, I am applying for college! YAY!

Also with school, I have All County Orchestra coming up as well. That is in two weeks. Then, in four weeks the entire Orchestra has our Fall concert. The Concert Orchestra is pretty good this year and we are playing some good music. I am really looking forward to it.

I take Behind The Wheel in two weeks to get my license. I am so excited. AND I get my braces off in five weeks. I am counting down the days, believe me. I will be so happy to get these little suckers off my teeth. The Orthodontist said they will look fantastic.

As I said before, it is like everything is going really great at the moment. I have some amazing friends and have left the bad ones behind. I get my license soon and my braces off very soon as well. To top it off, school is pretty great right now too. Need less to say, I am a very happy girl right now. It seems I have hit my Pot of Gold.

L M Butler

High and dry

I know for us here day light savings just kicked in, but the days are feeling shorter. I guess I'm just so slammed with crap to do that it doesn't feel like time is passing by. Oh well, the faster it goes by the better. I want 2012 to get here already. LONDON! Woot woot!
So, I've been driving for a little over three weeks now, and I'm steady scaring the piss out of my mother. It's hilarious. I'll purposely cut a curb too close or what not just to piss her off. I can't wait to drive to North Carolina in a few weeks. It's a four hour drive from one door to the other of each house. That'll be one heck of a trip...
So, I'm getting really disappointed with Orchestra. It's sad. For example, the "every 2 year" trip for Chorus and Band is to Orlando, Florida. For Theatre and Dance, it's to NYC. For Orchestra, it's Busch Gardens... Really?! Pathetic. Not even out of the state, man. But, whatever. At least we're maybe going somewhere, and I love BG. I always have a great time. And this year I'll be with Brandon and Amanda. That's just asking for mischief. Hah.
Speaking of Orchestra, we're about five weeks away from the Rock 4 Life concert. Deadlines are coming up quicker and quicker and nobody is doing much of anything. Some people say they'll help, but they never come through. Whatever. And the Pancake Breakfast is at the end of April over Spring Break and I can't go. I'll admit, I'm a lil' pissed I can't be there, but I'll be in NC. So, no biggie.
School wise, I got a thing in the mail the other day saying, "Congratulations! You've been nominated to be in the NSHSS!" All because I have a GPA of a 3.89. Dweeb? I think so. Overachiever? Not really. Getting into UVA? Hopefully. Wish me luck.
So, about school. I've noticed there are a lot of... Loose girls where I go. And I use that term nicely. There are plenty other more vulgar words I'd rather use. Seriously. If I see one more pregnant girl, I'm going to be sick. And almost everyday I hear from a friend of mine, "Guess who screwed who now!" Really dude? Do you keep tabs on this shit crap? May I say, "NO LIFE"? It's just gross. Not to mention the couples that break up once a week, then get back together by the end of the day. What a shame. All the more reason why graduation should hurry up. I don't care for many of the people I have to deal with under a day-to-day basis. However, I will never like all of them, ever.
More specifically, history class wise. Mr. Duncan said today, "Hitler convinced them to 'Not get in bed with the U.S. because they'll leave you high and dry.' Which makes a lot of sense when you think about it." I was stunned. I'd never heard a teacher incorporate something so... risqué yet make such great sense. Good term, but interesting use. It'll be something I'll remember, that's for sure. Haha.
In other news, what's with everybody enlisting here lately? Three guys I know are leaving in August in the Navy, and another I'm pretty fond of is leaving in August too for the Army. I'm sad they're leaving because they're all great guys, but I'm glad to see the one go. Cruel, I know, but hey. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Although the guy leaving for the Army won't be home until Christmas. Which really sucks because I'll miss him a lot.
Lastly, the 30 Day Challenge is almost over for me. I'll probably do something similar to it later on this year. However, for now, check out the 30 Day Challenge blog. You can find the link on the right side bar.


L M Butler