I recently got an internship with a local politician and I am so absolutely excited. It is not the most exciting work, but I have the sweetest boss ever. I love my job at the CMC, too. However, I have picked up more tasks at that job and I work there a lot more. I still enjoy what I do, it is just a lot of work. Haha.
I AM ABOUT TO GET MY FIRST APARTMENT GUYS. I am so absolutely excited. I am finally getting my "big-girl" life. It is still an ODU on-campus housing thing, so I will not be moving out from home permanently just yet, but it's a good way to start. I actually just got it finalized today, so I am SUPER excited. The awesome thing is that I am living with two girls I have know for ten years, if not longer, and the third girl is a girlfriend of one of the others. I feel like I let my best friend down by not committing to taking a gamble by applying for the other apartments on campus. However, this just lucked out for me.
This whole weekend I had the flu and it's finally getting out of my system. It never fails, every time I'm almost over a cold or the flu, I cannot for the life of me stay out of the bathroom. It sucks. However, I am more than ready to be over this crap.
So I neglected to mention a serious topic that I have, again, neglected for quite a while now. I had an off and on "thing" with a guy for four full years, and it finally came to a screeching halt. It was a miserable end, but it definitely had a long time coming to it. We were never officially a couple, but I'll be damned if I did not have feelings for him. I tried to lie to him and myself saying that I didn't, but we both knew I was avoiding the truth. Long story short, we finally had our last disagreement in October and it ended with me spilling the complete four years worth the information to his girlfriend of four years. Yes, you read that right. Girlfriend. Four years. Cheated for four years. On her. With me. I feel like a complete fool for ever developing feelings for him and allowing myself to literally become a side-bitch. I know I deserve so much better and that is only becoming more apparent by the day now that he and I do not speak at all. We do not have any contact whatsoever and I am not complaining. I never realized how miserable I actually was and how much bullshit of his I put up with just to have him pretend that he liked me for the night or whatever. I find it amazing that I can help my friends through break-ups and throw the facts in their face that they are settling for a complete douche-bag. BUT, God-forbid the situation be the other way around. I cannot convince myself that I deserve better or anything. I honestly did not realize how unhappy he actually made me. I know I found like a complete moron if I say I'm going through a "breakup." However, I genuinely am going through a breakup with that part of my life. That was four years spent and wasted. On the other hand, I definitely learned a lesson from the whole thing. For example, it is a very weird feeling not having him around because he is all I ever focused on for four stupid years. Again, on the other hand, not having him to focus on has made life just that much easier for me.
Rude, I know, but I do not care. At all. I'm at a point in my life where if someone is not making me happy and they are more of a pain in my butt than not, g o o d b y e to you... Grab your memories of us, and I hope the door hits you in the ass on the way out. I have zero toleration for bullshit anymore. Even simple bullshit that I used to put up with just because I am a pushover has become minimal. I even tried to "help" the "main-bitch" girlfriend by telling her everything. I sat and talked to her for a solid six hours. She cried her damn eyes out, got into an argument with the (for lack of better terms) fuckboy excuse of a boyfriend, and of course he denied everything. It did not matter how much proof I had or stories I told, he bold-faced denied it all. I am pretty sure they broke up shortly after that, but I'm surprised it took as long as it did.
BUT GUESS WHAT... They are back together now! Yay! Happy couple! My response? "Well that was a waste of six hours of my time..." I hope I never see the girl again because I will either not be able to hold my tongue or I will laugh in her face like the disrespectful bitch that I am. I am a firm believer of the "once a cheater, always a cheater," and I do not give a damn who you are, the assumption stands. I have seen girls go back to the same cheating boyfriend time after time, and he always cheats again. I know "second chances - people can change," and I am all for that. However, if you cannot be honest with me from the start, our relationship will turn to complete crap at some point and I do not want to stick around to find out when that will be.
Alright, ranting over... For now... Hahaha
My apologies for neglecting my blog.
My apologies for not keeping posted on life matters.
My apologies to my best friend for not taking a risk when I had a guarantee in front of my face.
My apologies to the fuckboy I believed was a wonderful guy.
My apologies to the girlfriend who is so wrapped up in her fairy-tale bullshit to realize she deserves better.
My apologies for being too honest.
My apologies for being too blunt.
In the end, nobody can ever say that I did not stand for what I say and believe in, and nobody can ever say I did not refrain from saying what everyone was thinking but was not brave enough to say.
L M Butler
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