Monday, December 27, 2010

Call me when it's over

This cold weather needs to hurry up and get over with.  It keeps snowing and I'm getting cabin fever.  But I love snowball fights and night sledding.  So, it's not but so bad, I guess.  I just prefer the warmer weather.
Christmas has come and gone.  It was a pretty swell day.  Mother and I opened presents at midnight, as usual.  I didn't open many things that I didn't already know about.  Except for one present, which my mom somehow pulled off.  It was Girl Scout Thin Mints; by far the best present ever.  Later in the day, we met the neighbors at Gloria's for dinner.  Afterwards, Donna, Keath, and Trish met us at the house for the evening.
Before Christmas, I went to the Lewis Ginter Light Festival.  I was disappointed in the fact that it wasn't as spectacular as I thought it'd be.  The glass exhibit and green house were pretty swell, but the lights weren't all that.  It was more of a kid thing than I anticipated.  And everyone knows I can't stand to be around small, screaming, irritating kids for very long.
The new year is almost here and I couldn't be more excited.  The closer it gets to 2012, the better.  Not because of the world ending by the zombie apocalypse, flood, whatever you may believe; but because of the Summer Olympics in London.  I'm psyched about going.  I can't wait to spend the entire Summer in England.  I hope to stay, but I don't know how well that'd go over with my family.
I'm really disappointed in myself here lately.  I've let things and people bother me that I shouldn't, and it's doing nothing but making matters worse.  I'm so tired of dwelling on old matters, and I'm so sick of horrible excuses of friends.  Yeah, there are a few people who are pretty great, but it seems like everyone I'm close to is either leaving, has left, or I want them gone.  Drama is getting old and the certain someone's causing it just need to get lost.  I have great expectations for myself, and the people around me are keeping me from meeting those expectations.  Something's got to give.

L M Butler

Friday, December 17, 2010

Snow, ice, and other cold things

Ohh Gizmo.  So fascinated by snow.
Snow is pretty, but rather annoying.  The only thing I adore about it is that it ended up causing me to have two extra days of Winter break.  Sledding is fun and snowball fights are fantastic, but the dry, cold air is brutal.  I can't stay warm at all.  I've tried sitting by the fire, drinking coffee, wearing slippers and socks, two pairs of pants, three shirts, a hoodie, and hat all at once.  Nothing works.  I guess I'm just cold natured.
Here lately with Rock4Life, we're trying to get this cause approved by Stansberry.  He's a little concerned about it, and Mr. Johnston is a pessimist about the subject as well.  I ended up going into Stansberry's office with a well thought-out portfolio, and stressing the cause to him.  He still wants to talk to Johnston more, but I don't think that'll help the matter.  I'll be so disappointed if this doesn't go through, although I know I've gone above and beyond to get this on it's way.
As for other cold things, I'm a tad bitter here lately.  I think it just has a lot to do with stress of the holidays, my "best" friend and I finally putting our "friendship" to rest, and then beloved ole' Zackypo.  Hah!  I have to admit, the "bff" thing is a pretty good thing.  It's one of those things where it's been bad for so long, that there's just no saving it.  He's going his own way here soon, so "So Long, Goodbye" really fits the cause.  As for Zachary, he's just him.  There's nothing more to it.  I honestly don't understand why I miss him so dearly, but hey.  What can you do?  He's a pretty awesome guy; jerk or no jerk, you've got to love him.


L M Butler

Friday, December 10, 2010

"Is this normal?"

Yet again, it's Christmas time here in the Butler household.  This means decorating everything like it's going out of style.  We're using the blue, sliver, and glittery ornaments again this year for the tree and mantle.  They're actually a lot prettier than I thought they would be at first, but there's always a catch.  The glitter.  The glitter is ridiculously everywhere.  It looks like pixies came in and threw up all over the place. Nevertheless, it's coming together nicely.
The Choral/Orchestra concert was last night, and it couldn't have been better.  Everyone looked amazing and hit every note perfectly.  Plus, I got to play percussion for a bit along with Jacob and Thomas.  Even if it was a little provocative, I enjoyed it.  And of course, everyone was anticipating the return of "Mr. White Christmas Man", or a.k.a. my father.  This year, he didn't randomly get up, grab a microphone, and start singing.  Mr. Johnston and I actually planned for him to make an appearance this time around.  He didn't sing, but he did get to share his vocals.  Once the song Sleigh Ride started, he came from behind the bass section in a Santa suit.  Then he maneuvered his way through the audience, handing out candy and hugging the amazed children.  Everyone loved it and it went very, very well.
I must say, school is a bit of a drag right now.  One good thing though is the extra credit I received the other day.  I drew a whale in a Santa hat and a sweater vest on the back of a test, and the teacher gave me a +2.  How awesome is that?  Bad thing though, midterms are next week and I'm not looking forward to them. The only thing I'm excited for is Winter break.
Speaking of beloved school, Mr. Duncan seises to be awesome.  He the most hilarious teacher ever.  I went to a Friday Focus for a change and the class was packed.  We're sitting in the room while he's giving his lecture about what's on the next test, when he just stops and stares at me.  He started to snicker and asked me, "Why isn't anyone staring at you?  Is this a normal thing for you?  You look cute, yet ridiculous."  (He was referring to the elf costume I wore today for SCA.)  He had me skip up to the front of the room to "jingle my bells around".  It's almost one of those, you had to be there moments.
Here lately it seems like I'm in one of those, "I miss certain people" kind of moods.  It sort of sucks when you're used to having particular people around, and then they either leave or you just barely talk anymore.  One person that I was once good friends with, I can barely talk to without getting into a heated argument now.  And of course, there's the Zack subject.  That subject just flat out sucks.  He's not somebody that I argue with, but we don't talk much at all.  I miss conversations with him quite a bit, and it's a bummer that we don't have that strong of a friendship.  I realize he's an ex and all that mumbo jumbo, but whatever.  I can't be always be a realist about everything.

L M Butler

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Really, really?

I honestly believe life is out to get me at times.  This time, predominately because almost exactly two weeks after I discover kidney stones in the left kidney, I wake up with the same exact pain on the right side.  Sometimes, my health is pathetic.  The only good thing about being bed-bound for several days is that I've vegetated on my X-BOX 360; playing COD: Black Ops until my fingers went numb.
Speaking of which, my poor kitty Samantha Ray had to be taken to the vet on Sunday.  She came inside, after frolicking with the birds outdoors, screaming and limping.    So, mother grabbed the cat cage and we headed towards the EVC.  Five hours later, the veterinarian concluded that she had been bitten by some other animal, but that she should heal perfectly fine.  The funny part is that the doctor shaved a large portion of her back, and so now she has this funny looking square of hairlessness.
In other news, I was browsing some of the other blogs I follow and I came across some interesting words on the blog WHITE LIGHTENING.  In the latest post, they used "gleefully puketastic" as an adjective towards shoes.  I've never heard "gleefully" and "puketastic" in the same sentence.  I don't think I've ever heard the word "puketastic", ever.  I found it rather amusing.
As an update in school life, Mr. Duncan seises to amaze me.  He is by far the most interesting teacher I've ever had.  His stories are hilarious and they make my day.  Honestly, a teacher who brags about having a perm in the army just to "get into the clubs and meet the ladies", is pretty fantastic.
Other school information includes the fact that I refuse to ever miss more than one day at a time ever again.  I hate make-up work with a passion, and especially large amounts of it at one time.  Fifteen pieces of homework, six papers, seven tests and quizzes, and two projects was more than I expected.  Welcome to all honors and AP classes, much?  On top of that, I have a Rock4Life presentation to fine-tune.  And not the class presentation, the one I'm presenting to Principle Stansberry.  Wish me luck.


L M Butler

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Hostile? Never!

Every year, it seems that I have some random medical issue.  Whether it's as drastic as a brain tumor, or as simple as a cyst on my wrist; none of which do I look forward to.  This morning, I woke up as 5a. in excruciating pain and had to have my mother take me to the emergency room.  Mom dropped me off at the door and went to park the truck.  I walked in the door, screaming and crying in pain, and hobbled over to the office for registration.  The lady behind the desk asked me for my SSN and I told her I couldn't think of it at the moment.  She said that because I was gritting my teeth (only because I was trying not to yell at her for staring at me like I'm there for no reason), that I was "being hostile and uncooperative."  I've never been hostile a day in my life, so I found her comment amusing.  I mean, really?  Doesn't everybody have a little bit of an attitude when they're in a serious amount of pain?
Finally, the bitter old woman took me to a room and ordered the doctor to come check me out.  The doctor and nurses got so tired of me screaming in agony, that they gave me Morphine and two other pain killers to shut me up, along with another fluid for nausea.  When the doctor concluded that I have kidney stones, yet again, I had a sigh of relief that that's all it was.
In other news, my cat did something so adorable the other day.  He came into my room and walked to the foot of my bed where my long, full-body mirror is.  In front of my mirror, I have two shoe boxes stacked with my mechanical toy dinosaur on top of them.  The dinosaur is set to "on", so when you touch it (where the sensors are), it goes "RAAAWWWRRRRR!!!!" and starts to walk to a little theme song.  Gizzer decided to go over to it and head-butt its face.  Need less to say, it started to make noise and move.  I have never seen my cat jump so high.  It was the funniest thing I've seen him do in a long while.
On another note, it seems like in less than a year, I'll be starting the enlistment process for the Air Force.  I'm looking forward to it, even though my family is not.  I'm actually considering Marines or Navy instead, but I've had the dream of the USAF since I was a little girl.  Honestly, I'd love to go to the AFA in Colorado Springs, but I have no idea if I'd be able to manage that.  Time will tell, eh?

L M Butler

Monday, November 1, 2010

"I'm going to regret this later..."

Many things happen from day to day, but this day was like no other.  I'm the party kind of person, and so Homecoming is my scene.  The evening was amazing and couldn't have been more fun.  Even though my "best friend" ended up not being able to come due to certain circumstances, it was actually a good thing.  Dancing with all of my closest friends really made the night more interesting.  We all took pictures to prove it...  Hence the title.
The only major downfall of the dance was the stupid DJ.  He kept playing music from Grease and Hairspray.  What in the world, dude?!  That's not dance material.  Gabe, Rachel, and I sat at a bar table for about thirty minutes wondering who hired that guy.  Other minor detriments to the evening included my three inch heels, Gabe smashing a few of my toes, random guys I don't know grinding my backside, and being able to smell Anthony from six feet away.  I have never seen such a sweaty guy; it was so gross.
All in all, I can't wait for next year.

L M Butler

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Overwhelmed and so on...

Busy just hasn't been the word for me here lately.  It's almost ridiculous, but I'd rather be busy than painstakingly bored.  So far, for the past three weeks, I've been after school every day for at least an hour and a half.  It's great.
Pep rally and the Homecoming game are tomorrow.  I'm rather excited.  Considering I'm on Pep Rally Committee, I get to skip out on orchestra.  Lucky me.  Also, after school I have to help out with the tailgate for three different clubs.  It should be very interesting because the times were changed.  I hope all goes well.  And before tailgate, I'm heading over to the Freshy campus to visit someone in particular; afterward, the girls and I are all heading to Chik-Fil-A, too.  It should be fun.
For those who take an interest, the Requiem concert was amazing!  Everyone in the chorus and orchestra couldn't have done any better.  I can't wait for the Christmas concert.
This past Saturday, I went to All County Orchestra; it was pathetic.  I've never been so embarrassed to have my name to a performance in my life.  The rehearsals were  fine, and everyone did pretty swell.  Then come time for the concert, however, everyone bombed their parts.  Need less to say, it was an epic fail.
On another note, the beloved "best friend" of mine and I are back to not speaking, yet again.  Go figure, sadly.  I love him to death and he's like a brother to me, but our friendship is just so messed up.   I've had enough.  When he leaves for the Navy in a few months, that'll be the end of that soap opera.

L M Butler

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

So, about that...

On Saturday, October 9th, my best friend and I went to Ashland Berry Farm for their haunted woods shindig.  It was so much fun, I must say.  Being as skiddish as I am, my friend tended to take advantage of this.  He and I were behind this group of people from Cosby, and they couldn't have been more entertaining if they tried.  This guy named Billy was directly in front of me, and this guy was at least 6'4".  In the house maze, you have to crawl and duck in certain places.  Watching this huge guy try to squeeze himself into a small tunnel was probably the highlight of the entire walk-through.  I'm definitely scared easily, and it ended up being that my best friend didn't jump at anything in the maze except my screaming.  I find that a little amusing.
When we left the house in the woods, we jumped back onto the tractor that took us back to the main entrance.  We didn't end up leaving the farm until 11p.  On the way home, we decided to make a midnight WaWa run.  All in all, it was a fantastic evening.  It's been the best I've had in a long time.

L M Butler

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Hitting close to home

Well, now that October has rolled around, a lot of things are moving along quite quickly in my daily life.  The beloved orchestra director has decided to have us play Requiem for our fall concert.  It's amazingly beautiful, although a little bland for the basses.  In my opinion, it's more so for the chorus, rather than the orchestra; nevertheless, it's fantastic when it's all put together.  It took me a bit to realize that it's a Roman Catholic funeral mass.  Considering my family is Catholic and my grandfather passed last October, I think it might hit a little too close to home for some of my relatives.
In other news, the most frightening assignment of the year so far has finally passed for me, thank God.  The assignment was to read the novel The Prince by N. Machiavelli, and then a week later, write an essay about it.  The essay's main topic was, "What is Machiavelli's idea of a great leader?"  Considering I couldn't stay awake while reading the book, I barely knew this.  Although, the night before the essay, I highlighted everything I needed to mention in the novel; in which, it worked out fine, and I got an A.  I'd say that's an epic win.
On another note, I've been stressed beyond belief with so many things happening at once.  Then again, I'm an adrenaline junkie, so it doesn't really bother me all that much.  The only thing that's getting to me is now that Zack has graduated, I hear his name almost everyday in some conversation or another.  I mean, really?  It's irritating.  I assumed that once he was gone, I'd never hear anything about or to do with him again; but no, that'd be too simple.  Wouldn't it?  I still miss him a lot and I'm still a little upset about the whole thing.  Then again, it really doesn't matter.  Nothing will bring him back.  Hopefully this Saturday will take my mind off of that whole subject.  (I'll detail that another time.)

L M Butler

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Enough said

Of all ways for me to spend my Saturday, I choose to go to SRO.  Not only did I have to get up at 4:30a to go to Commonwealth, but it was an hour and a half drive to Charlottesville, and I had to wait all day even though I was finished at eleven.  All in all, it was a ten hour day trip for an orchestra audition.
Speaking of the audition itself, I can't help but laugh in embarrassment.  I was very comfortable with the Rotation #2: etude and excerpt, although not so much with the scales.  I went into the giant blind auditioning room, and the judges began to instruct me on which scales to play.  Before the woman could finish what she was saying, I was laughing hysterically.  Her voice was so amusing, that I couldn't focus.  Long story short, my entertainment got the best of me and I bombed my audition.  So much for my usual first-chair reputation; I made second alternate.  What a joke.  I could complain as much as I'd like to, but I did have an alright time.
Anywho, in other news, my computer has been running very slow here lately, so I figured I'd delete some old documents of old papers, collages, abstracts, and pictures.  I found all of these old photos from the beginning of last year, Homecoming, December through June, and so on.  A lot of pictures with people I'm no longer associated with were deleted, but I kept several to do with certain people.  For old memories sake...  Good times, very swell times.  I'd relive it all again if I were given the opportunity.  But honestly, I wish things had never changed between me and some particulars.

L M Butler

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Ode to Murphy's Law

It's amazing how when everything starts to go right and get better, it all goes down hill.  It's always too good to be true.  Now that the weather is amazing, God forbid my grill light.  Now that there's less people at Dale, God forbid the hallways clear.  My personal favorite is that now that I adore my History class, God forbid I know anything that's going on.  Oh well, I'll light the grill with a match, shove people out of my way, and sit next to the smart kid in class.  There's always a solution for everything, right?  Leave it to me to find the positive in everything.
In other news, something, someone rather, astonished me the other day.  I went to check the time on my phone and lo and behold, guess who's "name" was there; Zachary.  The look I had on my face was, probably, priceless.  My first thought was, "Oh lord, what does he want?"  A tad cruel, I know, but it wasn't a person I usually expected to hear from.  Long story short, our conversations haven't changed much.   It's a little funny though, because he, as Zack, hasn't changed much at all either.  At least, not that I can tell.  Which is both great and disappointing.  Oh well, he's a swell guy.  Maybe he isn't a jerk after all...
So, it's funny how rumors are usually never true.  I honestly don't know why people would start bullcrap, other than to just get under my skin.  I'm waiting for the day when inhabitants will realize that doing so only gets me annoyed.  Really, what kind of friend are you?  Yet again, I realize I need to find better people to confide in.

L M Butler

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Reality is a kicker

Life becomes complicated when you get older?  Not really.  Then again, I'm not in my mid-twenties or thirties.  Anyways, my birthday has come and gone; thank you to all who wished it and I well!  It was a good end to my summer, and I even had quiet a surprise.  It was really swell.
School has begun again, hitting me harder than ever.  Double honors classes honestly whoop my behind.  Although, they're actually enjoyable despite the extended work effort.  The teachers are really awesome.  Seriously, any teacher who will not "PG rate" the class and uses vulgar vocabulary gets an A+ in my book.  Haha.  Although it's odd walking down the hallways, because I'm so used to seeing all of the Seniors from last year.  And according to TDHS, the hallways have gotten better now that the new Freshman-West campus has opened up?  HAH!  What a joke!  The hallways are just as crowded as they were last year with the Seniors.  I can only imagine if the Freshies were actually at the Main Campus this year.  And fifty-two people on my bus is about twenty-five too many in my opinion.
On another note, it's now my favorite season here in the US., Fall.  I like the chilled weather versus the cold weather that Winter assaults us with.  And with Fall comes football season, and with football season comes something to watch on television.  Although I like watching the Superbowl every year, I honestly don't have a favorite NFL Professional team.  I'd rather watch college football, with my adored team of the Michigan Wolverines!
As another update, I have finally started the process of getting my licence.  I'm such a "baby" of my graduating class, that I won't get the "plastic freedom" till the middle of my Junior year...  Bummer.  You've got to love laws, right?  But what really bothers me is that the woman teaching my driver's ed course and what not, is a complete nut case.  I mean, over-the-top loco.
And let's not forget the drama!  Everybody just completely adores drama, correct?!  Yes, sarcasm to say the least.  It's amazing how I'm a week into my semester and drama has already blossomed within the walls of Thomas Jail.  Most of it isn't even new, it's all from last year.  Really people, be creative.

L M Butler

Monday, August 23, 2010

My curiosity will be the death of me someday

Summer is coming to an end and I'm glad.  I just need something to jam me back into reality.  This summer has been full of shenanigans and let-downs.  I get so irritated by friends "making plans" with me, then never showing or never calling back.  Not only am I stood up by men, but my best friends too.  I think it's time to search for a better crowd I can devote time to.  The kids that I work with are almost better "friends" than some of my close, personal friends.
My birthday is coming soon, so I guess that's something to hold my head up for. It's almost a little funny how my family complains about how much money we don't  have, yet cumulatively they spend over $1,000 on me.  Yes, I'm a spoiled, only child.
Also, I'm so wrapped up in thinking about this whole "breakup love drama - story of my life" thing, that it's actually taking the personality and determination away from me.  I feel pathetic about the subject, although I can't control my emotions and heart but so much.  I understand the factor of moving on and finding somebody better and what-not, but it's easier said than done in my personal opinion.  I'd say I'm about 67% there, with the "get over it" topic.  I miss my best friend in him most of all though... He was the only person who ever made me laugh like he did, smile like he made me smile, live like he showed me to live.  As the rap star, Nelly, said, "I opened my eyes, it was just a dream.  So I traveled back, down that road.  Would he come back? No one knows."  In the long run, as Zack had said, it was probably for the best.  But, I wish it didn't end like this.  I miss talking to him, he is one of the greatest people I've ever met. He left for college on the 19th, and it was just another day for me.  Nothing has changed.
A good friend of mine said to me, "Darling, you were happy with being unhappy, and that's not healthy."  Although I'm still waiting for the day when I look at my phone, and see New Text Message: Zackypo.  I doubt I'll ever hear from him if I don't text him first, but that should say something.  According to most of anyone around me, they all think he's not worth my love, time, dedication, or just me in general.  To me, he's worth more than I or the world could give.
I'm trying to be happy without him, and I know I can be.  I really need to get a grip, slap myself a couple times, and get-over-it.  To me though, it's like anything you get used to and caught up in.  For me, finding the drive not to love him, is like a loved one dying.  You have to get up the momentum to accept the passing, and I have a long way to go.

I let myself fall into a lie,
I let myself smile and feel alive,
I let my walls come down,
No matter how I try, I don't know why,
You push so far away.
"With This Knife" by, Smile Empty Soul 

L M Butler

Sunday, August 8, 2010

A real wake up call

Sadly but surely, I miss the kids that I was "teaching".  They might have been a handful at times, although they were amusing and had "spirits", as 'C' had called it.  Some of these kids were unique for their own reasons, and some had a life story worth writing a book on.  There was this one boy who was 12 years old, who grew up in the heart of downtown Dallas. He came from the lower-middle-class and knew a life of drugs and crime.  He and I talked often and we became good buddies.  I asked him one day, "What's the most memorable thing you've ever been through?"
He replied, "Surviving a drive-by in Dallas.  My friend, who was with me, didn't though, he got shot."
It's a real wake up call when a child this young, tells you something like this.  I couldn't help but feel bad for the boy.  He was so sweet and so smart, although he was traumatized from a young age.  He said to me, "I tried to help my uncle get clean, me and my friend did.  But he said that he didn't want to, that stealing and using was easy for him.  That's all he wanted to do.  My family made me move here, from Texas.  They didn't want me to get hurt..."
This boy didn't choose this life for himself, his situation did.  I wish I could give him a better life, but I know I can't.   I feel helpless, although he does too.  I feel like it's people like myself who are too wrapped up in their own problems and own life, to help somebody else like this boy.  But this needs to change.  I'm trying my hardest, giving my 110%, to get over everything so I can make a difference.  I'm tired of just seeing change, I want to be the change.  I don't want to see things happen, I want to make them happen.
On another note, in my own battle with myself, I'm still confused.  I miss Zack, but then again, I think of the Pro's and Con's.  It seems that no matter what, I can only find the positive in him, despite the faults.  I wish I could see him one last time before Longwood, but it kills me to know that I won't.  He's leaving, he doesn't want to talk to me or see me, and I refuse to settle for that.  I'll never see him again once he leaves, and I'm not quite at the point of acceptance.  Although if I keep myself worried about him and when I'll speak to him next, I'll never get to do things I dream of.  He was my dream, but some dreams, need time.  It's time, now, that I focus on other dreams.

And I just can't keep living this way
So starting today, I'm breaking out of this cage
I'm standing up, I'ma face my demons
I'm manning up, I'ma hold my ground
I've had enough, now I'm so fed up
Time to put my life back together right now!
"Not Afraid" - Eminem

L M Butler

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Another day, another wish, more added hope

I have to admit, no matter where I go that I find amazing, there's no place like home. On Friday, I went to Luray Cavern's with my dad and mom and it was beautiful.  The mountains have always been a favorite place of mine to be ever since I was a child, and a scenic route to Luray was breath-taking.  We drove all though the Shenandoah Valley and Blue Ridge Mountains.  Being the tourist I am, I convinced my father to stop and take pictures and go into some shops along the way.  I picked myself up a pair of navy blue Shenandoah National Park sweat pants. They're very comfortable.  
The whole ride I thought about Zachary, though.  It breaks my heart to think of him dating anyone else but me, much less him "doing the deed" with someone else.  I know that I need to let go, move on, and let it be.  Although my heart won't let me; I fell in love with him so deeply, that now it hurts.  Everything I see reminds me of him, and I can't help it.  I'm in love with him, end of story.  Many of my friends feel that I deserve better than him, and sometimes I think the same thing.  But I'd rather have the man I want, personally.  Like my father said, "If he's worth a damn, he'll come back."  And honestly, deep down, I believe that Zack will be back.  Maybe not anytime soon, but maybe a while down the road.  At least that's what I hope.
On the other hand, I'm trying my best to move on and get on with my life.  Making the best of every day that comes around and trying to keep myself occupied.  Although, it's a little sad when a nursery rhyme can describe exactly how I feel. 

You Are My Sunshine, My only sunshine.  You make me happy, When skies are gray.  You'll never know, dear, How much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away.
The other night, dear,
As I lay sleeping, I dreamed I held you in my arms.  When I awoke, dear, I was mistaken, And I hung my head and cried.  

I'll always love you, And make you happy.  If you will only say the same.  But if you leave me, To love another, You'll regret it all some day; 
You told me once, dear, You really loved me, And no one else could come between.  But now you've left me, And love another.  You have shattered all my dreams.

L M Butler

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Simply sensational

I finally went on a nice, week long vacation.  It was a blast!  In the beach house, we had people from my hometown and over seas.  Our party consisted of my aunt Trish and her boyfriend Tim, my mom and I, my uncle Marty, my aunt Vicky and uncle Ed, my aunt Julia and my cousin Sara, my aunt Mags and uncle Danny, and last but not least, Trish and Julia's father Amos.  This was by far the best vacation I've ever had.  I'm so glad I got to meet the 'Brits' my mom and aunt Trish always talk about.  The only bad-sucky part about the trip was that the "Wifi" didn't work at all till the last day we were in the house.  Which means, no connection to the outer world other than the people I was staying with and anyone who worked anywhere we went.  Also, it was a bit shocking that anywhere in Kinnakeet, Rodanthe, or Avon that we went, the people who worked in the shops all had a Russian accent.  Considering Russia is about 5 countries and an ocean away, it's a little on the odd side of the spectrum.  All in all, I had a fantastic time, and I can't wait to go to the United Kingdom next summer. :)

Cheers mates!
L M Butler

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

"I wanna hang out with my wang out!"

Tutoring and teaching students is much harder than it seems.  I'm a 4th and 5th grade tutor and the students are hilarious.  Considering the innocence of a 9 year old, I couldn't stop laughing at what this one little boy had to say to me one day.  "Ms. L, I wanna hang out with my wang out!", said JB.
"Excuse me?! You're 9 years old!", I replied in amusement.
JB said, "I know, but the ladies like it.  They call me cute and sweet and adorable."
"Because you're NINE!", I said.
"Age is only a number baby.  Speaking of numbers, may I have yours?", JB said with a smile.
This little boy is the funniest child in the world.  He's loud and misbehaves quite often, although I must admit I find it amusing at times.  
On another note, I'm trying my hardest to leave Zachary out of my mind.  My opinion is, I've made an effort to be friends and be polite, although if you're going to ignore my texts and be a jerk about everything, then there's no need for me to waste my time on somebody who doesn't want me to bother them.  Time will tell if it was either meant to be or if he actually cares enough to remain friends.  Otherwise, I need to look forward and move on, no matter how difficult it may be.  Change could be all I need.  Although, I have a feeling that I will always love him and care about him deep down, to some degree.  "Maybe it's time to change, And leave it all behind, I've never been one to walk alone, I've always been scared to try, So why does it feel so wrong, To reach for something more, To wanna live a better life, What am I waiting for?, 'Cause nothing stays the same, Maybe it's time to change." Maybe - Sick Puppies

L M Butler

Thursday, July 8, 2010

A little note happy, are we?

When Zack and I first started dating, we talked almost nonstop.  Then one day, I told Zack I wanted to know what happens in his Physics class.  So he said to me "I'll write you a note babe."  From then on, I wrote him a note every single day.  I promised him, before we broke up, that even when he is in college, I would still write him notes daily.  And up until June 8, 2010, I wrote him a note everyday, full of love and thought.  The notes were about my day, what I'm doing in class, I would ask him how his day was, etc.  Although he only wrote me two notes.  :( bummer, but oh well, I still loved writing them.  Even though we're broken up now, I still find myself writing him notes.  Although the tone of them has changed, the time and love I put into them has not.  People are probably tired of hearing this, but I miss him a lot.  I almost didn't realize how much he really did mean to me until we broke up. :/
Life lesson learned: don't take things for granted, they're more valuable then they seem.

L M Butler

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Getting there...

Summer is going by faster and faster every year. This summer, I'm working as a teacher's assistant and it's very interesting. The kids are all so different in just one class, that it's difficult to get used to. All of the kids took the same Pre-Test, and one child scored an 89%, yet the other a 17%. They all have such different personalities that it's crazy. Also within the past week, I've dyed my hair. It's bright and I like it, but it's almost too bright. Oh well, hair grows. And with the whole "love gained, love lost." thing, I'm getting by. I miss him more than anyone could imagine, but sooner or later, I'm going to have to move on. It's hard but I'm trying. If he would talk to me, that'd be great, although he'll barely reply to any of my messages. Maybe once every two-ish weeks if I'm lucky. I hope I'll get to see him atleast one last time before he goes off to Longwood in August. We shall see.


L M Butler

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Misery at its best

For the past three and a half weeks, it seems that my life can do nothing but go into a downward spiral. The list of bad things happening to me keeps growing, and I don't know what to make of it. I lost the man of my dreams, I got two C+'s on my exams, my braces broke, I have poison ivy from yard work, I got a little sunburn, my best friend will barely talk to me; the list goes on. Also, to top it off, my "self propelled" lawn mower decided to stop "self propelling". In which, I'm pushing 165 lbs. of dead weight across my front and back lawn. I have to admit, it's one heck of a workout. And my so called "best friend" doesn't act like he even wants to be my best friend. He works a lot, is tired, and has a life other than me; I understand all this, although I miss him. He's a great guy, but I don't know what to think anymore. He confuses me to death and I hate that. It makes me feel vulnerable when I don't know what he's thinking. I know things take time, to move on and settle, but I'm rather impatent.

L M Butler

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Summer has begun and my heart has melted

Ode to summer's extreme weather, eh? In my "hood", it's a scorching 100 degrees outside. Ick. Although even though the bright, sunny sky's, I've been kinda down and blue. The man I loved the most broke my heart two weeks ago. The reason behind his madness was because "He works too much and is going to college and he feels we should call it quits", was his answer to my sobbing. I pleaded not to let me go, but he felt it was "for the best"... I've always thought that giving things a try would be worth the while, because then you can't say you didn't know what would happen. But in this case, he felt it'd end worse than what it already did. To this day, I love him with all my heart. I promised him I always would be his best friend and to love him forever and always, and I plan to keep this promise for as long as I live. Even though we're not an "item" anymore, I hope he will always remain in my life as my best friend, because he's just so amazing. :) Maybe time is all we need. For as Joe King and Isaac Slade from The Fray said, "You can never say never, while we don't know when, time, time, time again, younger now than we were before, don't let me go."

L M Butler

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Zachary's graduation party


Yesterday, June 5th, was Zack's graduation party. Everyone had a fantastic time. Zack was really sweet to me the entire night, which I loved. :) And he kept in consideration that I had just gotten braces the day before his party. :( So I could barely eat ANYTHING except cake. Towards the end of the night, the party REALLY began to liven up. All the boys that were left (Eric Brugger, Derek Baily, Ronald Brown, and Zack Haefling) played "Smear the Queer". The gentlemen are exceptionally violent. Haha. Afterwards, Jenny Hoza and I joined them in a fews games of "Hide and Seek", which we played in complete darkness. Although, when Jen and I were 'it', we walked out the door to find the guys. Eric, Derek, and Zack all went running for the door, but I saw only Eric at the time. I decided to run back from where I came to tag Eric, but he didn't see me comming. Before I knew it, he tackled me and we were both on the ground laughing in pain. It was one of the highlights of the whole evening. After a few games of H&S, the few that were left stood around and talked about miscellaneous subjects while Zack's parents cleaned up the hall. When Zack brought me home around 12a., I gave him his presents. I got him a little white tiger to go with his "pet" dinosaur, Stegy, on his dashboard. I also bought him "Water Sabers"; I figured they were something he'd like. :) All in all, the party was major fun. I love spending time with my better half, and I'm so proud of him. :D I love you Zack Haefling.




L M Butler

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

June 12th is comming soon.. too soon..


Today was one of the last days I got to see my baby this morning before class, before he graduates on June 12th. I'm so excited I get to go and see him walk across the stage. :) Yet, as I've said before, I'm sad to see him leave me for my next 3 years of high school. He's such an amazing guy and he deserves the best in life. He works hard, and gets what he works for. Congratulations Zack, I'm honored to be your girlfriend.

L M Butler

Friday, May 28, 2010

Iron Man 2


So, I forgot to blog about this even though it was the most interesting date I've ever had. Hahaha. Whoops. Anyways, on Wednesday, May 26, 2010, the love of my life, Zachary Haefling, took me to see Iron Man 2 at Westchester. It was so much fun. He and I had an entire date without starting an argument, we "saw" a good movie, and had the time we needed with each other. Even though we see each other (up until May 28) every morning, we still like our one on one time with each other that's for MORE than just 5 mins in the morning. I pray to God that he and I last for AT LEAST a very very long time. He's my world and means everything to me, and I don't think I could get through the day without him.

L M Butler

Awards for Seniors of TDHS 2010


Today was the class photo and awards ceremony for the Thomas Dale High School seniors in the graduating class of 2010. I went to my baby's homeroom this morning only to see him all dressed up in his "Sunday best" with his cap and gown. He looked fantastic. I'm so proud of him, yet I can't help but cry because I know he's leaving. I love you very much Zachary. Congrats to all the seniors who've passed all the 13 years of CCPS schooling!

L M Butler

Saturday, May 15, 2010

It's almost May 17th


Hello, long time no post right? Ha. Anyways, my better half and I are almost at 5 months and I just can't believe it. :) Time has flown and it seems like just yesterday it was our first date :) He makes me just as happy now as he did back on December 5th, when we first started talking. Yes, like every other "true love" couple in the world, we fight, we argue, we disagree. Some times, it's even over stupid things. But we always make up in the end, work things through, and our relationship gets stronger and better. :) Need less to say, I love him with all my heart, and that will never change, even in the years to come.

L M Butler

Friday, April 16, 2010

Another day, more time with my better half :)




About an hour ago, the love of my life left my house. Beforehand he came over around 3:30 and we went to dinner with aunt Trish and my mom. :). We went to Outback and for some reason, without even knowing, he and I planned on ordering the same thing. Haha :) it was cute. We came back to the house and hung out for a little bit. We messed around, cuddled, laughed, and had an amazing time :) I'll never forget days like these. They're the BEST! <3! I love you Zachary J. Haefling, and I always will.
L M Butler

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Kings Doninion with the love of my life




On April 9, 2010, Zack took me to Kings Dominion. The day was AMAZINGGGG!!! We rode the new roller coaster, Intimidator 305, very front row. It was the coolest thing ever. When we rode Boo Blasters on Boo Hill, Zack got scared by the skeletons at the end of the ride. He was like a little kid and the boogyman :). He danced with Snoopy and we ate mini corndog nuggets. We left the park around 8p., and went to his house for dinner. There his mom made us Hamburger Helper, and we watched the movie Zombieland. It was the greatest day in my life. He's the sweetest guy I've ever met in my life. He makes me so happy, and I couldn't ask for a better boyfriend/best friend. At the end of the evening, when he dropped me off at my house, I started to cry because I didn't want the day to end. I love him more than anything in the world, and I hope I spend the rest of my life with him.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Surprise?


So my boyfriend Zack just texted me and said, "Be prepared to leave your house around 11-12 Friday." And I'm like "Why?", he replied, "Don't worry about it, I have to go I love you." So I'm wondering what it could be. I have a hunch that it's got something to do with Kings Dominion... :) Although I'm really excited. I'm just happy I get to be with him. And he's picking me up? Mom NEVER lets him do that! XD I can't wait till Friday!

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

The Box


Today, I watched a movie called The Box. IT WAS HORRIBLE. I'm not a professional movie critic, but I know a good movie when I see one. The only reason I wacthed this was beause the makers of this movie made the movie Donnie Darko as well. Donnie Darko was really good, but this movie was just plain confusing... I give it 2/5 stars. :)

L M Butler

Friday, April 2, 2010

Amazing days make my world go round




Yesterday the love of my life came over and we had an amazing time. :). I love spending time with him. He makes me smile 24/7. There's never been anyone I've ever met like him. He's sweet, thoughtful, funny, amazing, caring, loving, handsome, all around AWESOME. I'm so in love it almost hurts. ;). I love you Zack, and forever you have my heart.


L M Butler

Monday, March 29, 2010

Me + Lydia + Yoga = HAHA:D


So on Saturday, my friend Lydia and I went to a Yoga class at a local YMCA. It was SSSOOOOOO much fun. We had a BLAST! Although come Sunday when we woke up, we were so sore that we could hardly move. I shall NEVER underestimate yoga again. It's harder than it looks too. Bending isn't all that easy unless you're used to it. Otherwise, it's painful the day or two after. All in all though, it was a great experience and I can't WAIT for THIS Saturday! :D

L M Butler

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Rock4Life Pancake Breakfast


Yesterday, the Thomas Dale High School Orchestra put on a pancake breakfast to raise money for this years Rock4Life causes. We raised over $1,300, almost reaching our goal of $1,500. Some students served and waited tables while others held signs on the street, hosted, or worked in the kitchen.
L M Butler

Saturday, February 27, 2010

When he leaves

So I was laying in bed this morning thinking about when Zack goes off to collage and leaves me at home to finish out my last three years of high school at Dale. I literally woke up crying. And on top of that, he works all summer at KD. With crazy hours like 9a-11p Monday-Saturday Dx. I'm not going to be happy at all, I can just tell :(. I don't know what to do. I love him, but is this really what I want? A boyfriend I will never see?...D'x


L M Butler

Friday, February 19, 2010

Long day




So today was a very long day. My legs feel like noodles thanks to running about 4 miles. :/ hmmm. Soccer tryouts start next week and I don't know what I'm going to do. I think I'm going to be overwhelmed by it all.

Wish me luck!:)

L M Butler