It's a promise

Spring time

When the day that I die comes, I will be able to have said that I tried. I tried to make something of myself in life. I tried to be a good person. I tried not to hold grudges. I tried to be happy as much as possible. I tried to give the benefit of the doubt to anyone. Everything. I will be able to say that I have left no stone unturned. I am quite proud of that.

Here lately, just like in my last post, Murphy's Law is being one hell of a butt kicker. It never fails that when something good happens, something bad follows it. I mean, I got kidney stones for the ninth or tenth (I lost track) time, I wrecked my vehicle, I lost a few good friends, drama at school is being a pain, my grades were slipping, I have no date for prom, the guy that I really liked flat out stopped talking to me... The list goes on. It is complete bullshit. I try so hard to make every day a good day and try my best to be happy, despite the circumstances, but it is getting extremely difficult to always smile. Now, by nature, I smile and laugh a lot. That is just who I am as a person and I have no shame about it. On the other hand, I put up with a lot of shit from day to day. I am getting worn thin and I need a break from reality.

Thank God spring break is here. I had my wisdom teeth taken out on Thursday, so I actually got an extra day. Not for the best reason, but I will take it. The surgery went well and I am recovering just fine. Only problem is, the medicine I am taking is making me throw up everything I attempt to eat. So, lose/lose situation. Pain medicines are not able to stay in my system long enough to work and I cannot keep food down. Hah, oh well. I will live.

The last weekend of my break, I am supposed to visit ODU for their open house. I was really looking forward to it, but my mom keeps changing her mind. One minute we are going, the next we are not. I could get into a long story about how badly I want to go and all, but I will save the time. I mentioned it to my dad and asked him if he would take me instead. His response, "Well, you're not going to college anyway so I don't know why you want to bother..." Thanks dad, for having faith in me. I have the grades to go, but we have absolutely zero funds. My dad thinks I am blowing smoke up my own ass by dreaming about college and furthering my education. Sorry dad. What do you want me to say? I am just trying to ignore him. I know I can do this for myself one way or another. My parents bitch and complain like they are the ones paying for college. Well, they are not. So, no matter where I go, I will be paying for it once I graduate. If they don't want to or cannot help me, that is completely fine. However, do not sit there and complain about a problem that does not relate to you.

My parents put me down almost everyday about everything. There is nothing I can do that ever pleases them. Hell, I told my dad that I took my SAT and did very well on it. His response, "Well, aren't you a little smartass..." Like, really?! That's what you have to say to your daughter? All I can do is shake my head and move on. My parents really do not realize how often they make me feel like a worthless piece of shit. Their constant complaining about everything gets old. I am only almost 17 years old. The last thing I need is your bullshit excuse for "constructive criticism" and lack of support. From now on, I really do not care about what they have to tell me about my future. They act like they do not want to be in it anyway...

Prom is in about four weeks. I am excited but I am not. It has turned into something that is more stressful than not. The "group" I was going with has excluded me. Then, I was invited into another group, but they are having organizational issues. There are several expenses that I probably should not blow money on right now for Prom... I am almost at the "fuck it" point. I have a dress and shoes, but that is it. No date, dinner plans, etc. Yes, I could do without those things and be appreciative for what I do have. However, that takes away from the fun about Prom. It is a time to splurge on things you do not do every day. Does not look like I will be participating though... Whatever. I will just go walking or something. The last thing I will want to do is be at home that night.

Body work

So, last weekend, I wrecked the mom mobile. I was headed up to Short Pump when it started to rain cats and dogs. My friend and I decided to turn back and head home. When we were on the way back, I hydroplaned into the back of an elderly couple and ruined the front end of my vehicle. The old man made me feel awful, calling me "impatient" and "inattentive." Whatever. Add those to the list of things I do wrong... Of course, my parents are not letting me hear the end of it. "That's another expense you have cost us." "You need to pay for court, driving school, damage... Everything." You know, the typical list. To make it worse, I had a "friend" of mine say to me, "Too bad it wasn't any worse and you got hurt... That would have been more interesting." Thanks a lot asshole...

On the up side to things, I am getting my Senior portraits done in May. I only have nine more weeks until I am a Senior. I am getting ready to apply for jobs. My grades have gone back up. The weather is getting warmer. I am still alive. Those are the good things about life right now...

I try so hard to be happy, but sometimes I just cannot hide it. I try my best to make my parents proud and to be a good friend to everyone. In the end, though, it never seems to be good enough for anyone. I am not a quitter, but this shit is ridiculous.

I promise, to myself and everyone around me, I will always be someone true to myself with an open heart and make something great of myself one day. I do not know how I will do it, but I will.

L M Butler

The basic bitchez wear that shit, so I don't even bother

My new friend

This summer is already almost over. Two weeks from tomorrow and it is back to the old grind. I'm excited but I'm not. I still have to finish my summer assignments and all that hubbub. I wish that I had done more this summer, but whatever.
Speaking of things I've done this summer, at one point my mom, aunt, cousin, and I all went to the Natural Bridge Zoo. We had a blast. My mom wanted to go mainly to pet a baby tiger and get a picture of her and I holding it. There were two baby cubs the time we went. One was a bengal tiger named Apollo and a white bengal tiger name Zeus. We ended up being able to hold Zeus and take our picture with him. He was a heavy little thing. Haha. We also visited the drive-thru zoo that was near Natural Bridge. That was hilarious. All of the animals were sticking their heads in the car and spitting food everywhere. My mother got her little food bucket taken away by one of the camels. It scared the crap out of her. Hah. It wasn't exactly my idea of a vacation but it was something to do. I ended up making friends with one of the giraffes.
So, the guy that I was talking to and really liked has almost completely stopped talking to me. Now that football season has started, he barely has time to even text me. I also really pissed him off the last time we hung out, so I'm thinking that maybe that also has something to do with it. Even though that mess was almost three weeks ago. Really? Get over what I said and move on. I sincerely apologized and I would take it back if I could. Whatever... Guys seem to always end up disliking me for whatever reason possible. I always fuck screw up good things before I get to enjoy them. I have terrible guilt, so I feel really bad. I just miss talking to him, ya know? I hope that he starts talking to me again at least once school starts. However, I don't want to end up dating a guy who doesn't have time for a girlfriend. Been there, dealt with that bullshit; NEVER again. I may not deserve the best, but I deserve better than that.
My best friend left about a week ago for the Navy. He came over the day before he left to say goodbye. I wasn't expecting him to, but I was really excited to see him one last time. It meant a lot that he took time from his busy schedule to spend a fews hours with me. He and I no longer have that awkward tension between us of the, "Are we friends? Or more than friends?" thing. I love him to death, but as nothing more than a friend. And I think he finally realizes that. I'm so surprised that our friendship wasn't ruined by everything that has happened over the past two years. I don't think I could have survived these past two without him there sometimes. Then again, he was a big problem himself. Oh well, he's gone now. I probably won't see him much, if at all, for the next eight years. So, farewell. <3
So, I was going to try out for volleyball but... Yeah. I went the first day and tore my quad muscle. Yep, I'm a clutz. What can I say? I was only able to go the one day, so obviously I didn't make the team. I think it would have been too much anyway. With holding two offices, three clubs, Rock4Life, AP classes, and only one "easy-breezy" class this year, I would have gone crazy. Like a friend of mine pointed out, it would have overloaded me and I would fail at everything because I would be doing too much. So, I guess it was a blessing in disguise? Hah. At least that's how I am having to look at it. 
Not much else is really happening for me right now. I've been at home mostly, trying to get all of my crap straight for school and just my life in general. I'm trying to figure out everything I need so that I can apply for college here soon and get that mess going. I'm back to contemplating what major I'd like to study again. I'm interested in Aerospace Engineering, but I want to do something on a worldly scale. Something that I could do anywhere in the world, while learning about other cultures and lifestyles. I change my mind a lot, I know. I just get bored with the same thing over and over.


"Life moves fast. Sometimes you have to step back and take a look or else you'll miss it."


L M Butler

Bro, she's a hoe

Last day in English with Mrs. Holdell

You know, here lately I haven't wanted to get on the computer very much. Probably because I've been spending all-nighters and crap because of school. I feel like I've been neglecting my blog. Hah. Oh well, it's summertime now. Bring it on.
Graduation is done and over with. Congratulations to the TDHS class of 2011. I didn't cry at all, unlike last year. (But we all know why that was) I even surprised myself. Hah. Everyone in the orchestra whooped for Dale B. He looked so spiffy. And my best friend looked amazing. I couldn't be happier for him. I hope he enjoys what is in store for him. I know he'll be great.
I'm finally done with school, for now. My exams were beyond easy. I don;t know why I fretted them. Hah, however this summer is going to be crazy. I'm teaching again, but this year it's second graders. God, please help me. Hah. I also have to start all of my grant and scholarship applications. First two on the list, University of Virginia and University of Michigan. I'm hype, but a little scared.
Other interesting things right now are... I have poison ivy again. Again! I hate this crap with a passion. I just want to torch it all. Also, I have a date tomorrow night. I really don't want to go but I feel like it would be mean to stand him up. I'm too nice sometimes. Ya know? Whatever. I'll probably just tell him I'm sick or something then block his number. HAH! Sorry, brah. That's mean, I know. However, I really don't care. I'm really not interested in dating anyone right now. After the last two guys, I don't want another break up like that. I'd rather just have a friend with a little something more. Hah. I know you're probably thinking, "Wow, man. She's a hoe." But no, I'm not. You and your little naughty school girl fantasies need to get a room.
I want next summer to hurry up and be here already. I can't wait to go to London for the Olympics. Hell, I'm not even having a sweet 16 party this year because of the cost of the trip. Oh well. Beggars can't be choosers. I haven't had a party in forever though, so I guess it doesn't matter. What I really want to do, is go to Longstreet's with a few friends for dinner. That'd be even better. 


So, here lately I've been addicted to Twitter. You twiggas out there should follow me - DanceInTeRain
:)


L M Butler

Don't hate, participate

Oh my, such a long past few weeks it has been. I'm busy as always but I don't expect any less. I'd rather work too much than not enough.
Anywho, so Rock 4 Life is only 32 days away! Everyone is working their asses butts off trying to get everything ready. Between the meetings every Monday night and Friday afternoon, we're able to manage. We're making a R4L Yearbook and it's turning out pretty cool. I'm actually suppose to be writing something for it at this moment, but I'm preoccupied by my own blog. Shame on me, I know. I also made a seating chart of the entire TDHS auditorium. Oh my Lord, it took forever to do 1/3 of it and I'm still not done. However, it looks amazing (just saying). Check out the Rock4Life crew and concert.
In other riveting news, my latest addition has been Bdubs. I've gone there twice a week for the past four weeks. The place is amazing. If you've never been there, you need to go. And don't pull the, "Well, I live in Ethiopia and we don't have those here." Too bad, get on a plane and go to Buffalo Wild Wings. Excuses are for wimps.
So, the 30 Day Challenge has ended for me. However, still go check it out if you haven't already. I've had people say to me, "Really? You put that person in it?" Yeah, really. I did. Some things are on there because I couldn't think of anything else to put that I had a photo of. Honestly, just get over it. If anyone has some off-the-wall problem with it, I honestly don't give a flying frigg'. It's my blog for a reason. I'm sure you can appreciate that. Remember, it's on the right side bar under "Check it out!".
On another note, school is driving me crazy. Two of my teachers just flat out suck and the one won't stop being a Debbie-Downer about everything. Orchestra is the class that is agitating me the most though. Mr. J asked me to basically mentor a freshman who's coming to Dale next year, and I think it's bogus. In other words, he wants to stick me in Concert and listen to me bitch complain about how awful I think the class is. Again. Personally, I think he just doesn't care for me. Whatever. I'm thinking about taking Jazz Band with Mr. Barton instead. Just to get away from being in Concert for another year. The music is too easy, which is the only reason I just chill in that class. Oh well, only 7 more weeks.
Speaking of classes, Mr. Duncan's class is just getting better and better. I realize I somewhat favor this teacher, but I don't care. If you were to attend just one class, you'd understand where I'm coming from. For example, we mocked how Russia should take the aids from the United States. Also, how one should contain red Kool-aid in a bowl. One may ask, how does this relate to history? Good question. He teaches us valuable lessons on why somebody shouldn't speed near deaf  kids because they can't hear the horn to run away, and how to dispose of bodies in a proper fashion. Somehow, he always brings it back on topic. Best. Class. Ever.
Remember how I said that Orchestra wasn't going to Disney? Well, now I'm glad we didn't because all that came out of that trip was drama. Dag on. Those choir people really know how to start some crap. The hilarious thing was though, people were betting about who was going to start something while they were there. Even a few chorus people said to me, "The people in chorus are snobs. I'm glad to have peace for a few days." Hah, awesome to be a back stabber, eh?
I'm to the point of counting days for London. I'm beyond excited. It's... 452 days until I leave? Something of that nature I'm thinking... It's the only thing I'm looking forward to at this point. Except for a certain someone coming down for a bit this summer. I can't wait to see him. He's the greatest.


This is what I need. Fast forward to 0:33. Operation: Ending Skankdom. It'll save lives people, or just help not create them. Also, I'd recommend not watching the whole thing. It gets annoying, heads up.


L M Butler

"His name is Brian."

Oh, Valentine's Day. Gag. It's a bit of a nauseating day, in my opinion. Hah. But it's just another day to me. Everyone walks around the halls with jumbles of balloons and bags with gifts from their beaus and/or friends. If one doesn't have a "significant other", it's a bit of a lonely holiday. I just happened to get blue roses today from a certain someone today. T'was a sweet surprise. Although, I'll admit it wasn't my favorite Valentine's Day gift. Last year was the most unique, by far. All in all, it was a crappy day with a great ending.

So, because I had history today, Mr. Duncan themed the story towards Valentine's Day. Most. Hilarious. Story. Ever. He told us about the time when he was waiting tables back in his 20's, and a couple walked in as happy and lovable as could be. Long story short, his friend ended up waiting on the table. The couple ordered over $300 worth the food and drinks, but asked for all of it to only be prepared and not cooked. As his friend was taking another order at the neighboring table, he overheard the couple's conversation. The husband said, "Babe, there's something I need to tell you... I've been hiding something from you." The wife replies, "Yes? Is it bad? What's wrong?" "I know we've been married for fifteen years now and I love you very much. But, I've been seeing someone else... I've had an affair...", the man replies. "Who's the whore you asshole?! Who is she?! Do I know her?" "His name is Brian...", the husband says. Can you say, worst Valentine's Day news, ever?! Hilarious. Highlight of the school day, by far.

Exciting news on my part. I have kidney stones again. For the fourth time in the past three and a half months. Lucky friggen' me, eh? Yeah, I'm elated. I'm going back to the Urologist again tomorrow. Hopefully he'll be able to tell me something that I can do to keep these little bladder rocks away. They're the most painful thing I've ever had to deal with. I pity anyone who's ever had to deal with them.

The weather here in Virginia is crazy. I mean, it just snowed last Wednesday night- Thursday morning, and today it was a beautiful 68 degrees (Fahrenheit). It's expected to be high 50s and 60s all this week. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. I just think Mother Nature needs to decide on freezing cold or Spring. I'm rooting for Spring, personally.

I have so much that I could should probably be doing, but I really don't feel like doing it. It's terrible. I've become so lazy. I think it's the narcotics I'm having to take for the stones. Have I mentioned how much I can't wait to get rid of these little suckers?

I'm looking forward to going to UVA for a week this summer to check it out, "live a week in the life" of a student, and all that jazz. The full shabang, ya know? I think it'll be great. Then next summer, LONDON! I'm hype beyond belief. Time away is just what I need.

L M Butler

Simply sensational

I finally went on a nice, week long vacation.  It was a blast!  In the beach house, we had people from my hometown and over seas.  Our party consisted of my aunt Trish and her boyfriend Tim, my mom and I, my uncle Marty, my aunt Vicky and uncle Ed, my aunt Julia and my cousin Sara, my aunt Mags and uncle Danny, and last but not least, Trish and Julia's father Amos.  This was by far the best vacation I've ever had.  I'm so glad I got to meet the 'Brits' my mom and aunt Trish always talk about.  The only bad-sucky part about the trip was that the "Wifi" didn't work at all till the last day we were in the house.  Which means, no connection to the outer world other than the people I was staying with and anyone who worked anywhere we went.  Also, it was a bit shocking that anywhere in Kinnakeet, Rodanthe, or Avon that we went, the people who worked in the shops all had a Russian accent.  Considering Russia is about 5 countries and an ocean away, it's a little on the odd side of the spectrum.  All in all, I had a fantastic time, and I can't wait to go to the United Kingdom next summer. :)

Cheers mates!
L M Butler