Summer sun

Tanning

I'm so lazy... Every time I think about updating my blog, I just shrug and go to sleep. Mainly because it is usually around one, two, or three in the morning when the thought crosses my mind. Haha, oh well. So, allow me to update you.
SCHOOL IS OVER. SUMMER IS HERE. AMEN JESUS CHRIST ALMIGHTY. I am so happy that I survived my junior year. It was a long, difficult, stressful year for so many reasons. I did not finish as strong as I hoped for, but I finished. I honestly thought I would have been held back a year or fail one class because I was out sick for a good portion of the year. In the school system I attend, for those of you reading from across the world or in another state, you are only allowed to miss 10 periods of a single class and 20 periods of your homeroom. Sometimes, they will wave the absences if they were for a valid reason (ie, sickness), but I was still worried. I missed 9 periods of two single classes. I was sweating big time. Haha, but I made it. Thank God. Best of all, I SURVIVED THE BOZ. Oh my gosh, that woman is a great teacher, but the workload is a monster. To some people. it was nothing. However, for me, with everything else I had going on and just personal matters, it was stressful. It is all good now though. My senior year is here and I cannot wait to have the best year ever. I really hope that even with taking four college courses, it will be easier overall if I can keep myself focused.
Now that my senior year is here, I can start the college application process. I am elated to apply to ODU. The more I look at the university, the more I love it. It seems like it will be the perfect school for me. However, my parents are constantly putting me down about it. Telling me that I will not be accepted and will not be able to get enough grants or scholarships to pay for the education... It is really depressing that my own family really does not believe in me, but it just makes me want to prove them wrong. I will be damned if I do not attain my dream. They want me to go to college and earn a degree, but they do not want to be supportive. It would be nice to have the support, but I know I will not get it from them. In the end, it is my future, my education, my life, my dream. If I have to do it on my own, that is fine. At least I know I will not give up on myself.
Graduation came and went. It was extremely emotional to see so many of my close friends leave the Dale hallways and stride across the stage. However, I could not be more proud of all of them. I was able to hold back my tears through the A last names and the B last names, but when I saw my best friend Darby coming up in the C's, I broke down. Thankfully Amanda and Kaitlyn were on stage with me. We were all holding hands, balling our eyes out. All three of us jumped and wooted like wild monkeys when Brandon and Tony had their names called. Just because we love them so much and were so excited to see them walk. It sucks having our bass section break up, but I have a feeling we will all chill one or two days over the summer before our boys leave for college in August.
A few of my friends have actually already left for college. They are either taking summer classes to get ahead or are on athletic scholarship and practicing with their new team. So far, I have been able to remain friends with all of them. However, I can already tell that some of these friendships will soon dwindle. I respect their new lives but that does not mean I will not miss them. To a degree, I care about all of my friends. That is just how I am. Obviously, I care about some more than others. Oh well, I guess. I figure, if the friendship is worth it enough, it will last.
I am trying so hard to find a summer job. It seems like nobody is hiring. The job that I really really really want is looking over applications now, and they told me to call back next week. I pray that I will get an interview and score a job. I need money. Bad. Haha. I want to be able to save some before I go to college.
There really is not a whole lot going on for me this summer. No vacations. No trips. No nothing. I do not mind, but I want to go to the beach so bad. Going to the pool is great and all but... You know. It is not the same. Maybe something will come up last minute like the Weezy concert did, but we shall see...


And by the way,
my birthday is two months from tomorrow! YAY!


L M Butler

Just make a fist and let go

Pep rally line up
Lol little football

Honestly, "same shit, different day" is the story of my life right now. All of the days blend together and I can't seem to keep track of time very well. My time of good luck seems to be off and on. One day I'm having the time of my life and then a few days later, it all goes to crap. Whatever. I'm trying to make the best of it but it seems that I can't control much of what happens.
Homecoming was last weekend and it was amazing. It was a long, tough week, but I survived. Hahah. Spirit week went really well, even though there was an underground week going on too. Here's a picture from Senior Citizen/ Baby Day:

Harrison, an old man with dementia, and Drew, an old, cripple
These guys are the BEST <3

The dance was pretty good. As always though, a guy made me upset there. It never fails... On the flip side, the morning before the dance was amazing. The guy I really like came over for a couple hours after film and we just chilled. It's nice being around him. He's so hilarious. I really wish we could date, but I know it wouldn't probably last through football. I'd get too pissed that we wouldn't be able to see each other much. Maybe once the season ends we can give it a go... I hope.

My crown - TD tradition

School is going well but God forbid it not be crazy. Boswell's class is kicking my butt. I'm so ready for this 9 weeks to be over. NOW. Even though I have a B, it's barely there... Haha. God help me.
Friends and I aren't getting along well. I'm just sort of keeping to myself. I'm just so tired of drama, lies, rumors, and bullcrap. I don't need it pulling me down again. I've finally moved past it all and I don't want it to follow me. It seems like everybody that can find a fault with me right now is doing so. I'm so tired of being put down about the small things. Some people need to put themselves in check and stop worrying about what other people do wrong. I'm not perfect, never will be, and never claim to be.
I'm going to visit UVA in a couple weeks. I'm so excited. I hope I really like it, considering I want to go there SO bad. My guidance counselor asked why I want to apply for only really hard schools. I was like, "They're all difficult? I have a 4.2 GPA. I think I'm good..." Hahah, forreal though.
Back to the guy thing, I can't seem to get him off my mind. I never thought I would ever feel this way about him. Honestly, I didn't know if I would ever like him at all. It's really strange though. I haven't felt this way about someone since Zack, in the terms of how much and why. It's like, I acknowledge his faults and downfalls, but I still care about him and love being around him. However, I don't think it's a good thing. I know he and I wouldn't last any long than high school and I don't want another huge disappointment. On top of it, I don't think he feels the same way... Which makes it worse.
I've been so tense lately. Between school, after school, drama, orchestra, and everything else, I'm slammed. I'm so done with useless people. 


I can't wait to leave all of this behind. Home is where the heart is and my heart isn't here anymore. I'm ready for a change again.


L M Butler


PS,
FOLLOW ME on Twitter! (: @LMButlerrrr - it's a link.

Pot of gold

Spirit shirt I made to support Christian.
"SOLIS-SHEPPERSON"

I honestly believe that good things happen to people who channel good energy to them. I know that sounds like a hippie way of saying it, but that's the only way I can think of putting it for now. I've been in a great mood and have ignored all of the bad things going on in my life right now; and now all of a sudden a lot of things are getting better and going right. I have not been this happy in a long time.

My friends seem to be coming around. After the whole argument with beloved Shaql, I thought our friendship was completely over. As in never speaking ever again. Well, it seems that I was wrong. I finally got the chance to talk to him, and he was not as 'pissed off' as I thought he was. He is just been super super super busy, and I can understand that completely. I feel so much better about the whole situation now that he and I talked about everything. He is such a great friend and I love him to death. I do not know what I would do without him. In full honesty though, I would probably miss his smile and laugh the most. Hahah.

So, there's this guy... Hahaha. Typical starter for me, eh? Anyway, His name is Tevin. He is insanely hilarious and really sweet. He is a pretty great guy that I hope becomes a long term friend. I also got a letter from my best friend the other day. He says he is doing well but he is really struggling with being so isolated. I feel bad for him, but hell will be home soon. I can not wait to see him. 

"You're wearing #24 on you one way or another..."

Homecoming is coming up in three weeks. THREE weeks. That is it! I am going bananas. There is so much to do and nobody is helping me. Sometimes I wondering why I ran for SCA VP. All we have done so far though is figure out the themes for the Spirit Week days and the Homecoming Dance theme. However, we still have to get them approved by the administration and everything. The process is taking forever and I doubt this whole thing will go smoothly. I am so tired of having a shitty crappy HC Dance. I hope that we have better decorations this year. Wait, we WILL have better decorations this year because I am the one planning it. Duh. :)

School is going pretty good. Boswell's class is kicking my ass butt though. She is a demon lady, I swear. Hahaha. Surprisingly, AP US History is going really well. I enjoy the class and I am not doing too bad. Mr. Duncan is the best teacher ever. I take my SAT on December third, so wish me luck. I am a little nervous about it, but I think I will do pretty good. After I get my results, I am applying for college! YAY!

Also with school, I have All County Orchestra coming up as well. That is in two weeks. Then, in four weeks the entire Orchestra has our Fall concert. The Concert Orchestra is pretty good this year and we are playing some good music. I am really looking forward to it.

I take Behind The Wheel in two weeks to get my license. I am so excited. AND I get my braces off in five weeks. I am counting down the days, believe me. I will be so happy to get these little suckers off my teeth. The Orthodontist said they will look fantastic.

As I said before, it is like everything is going really great at the moment. I have some amazing friends and have left the bad ones behind. I get my license soon and my braces off very soon as well. To top it off, school is pretty great right now too. Need less to say, I am a very happy girl right now. It seems I have hit my Pot of Gold.

L M Butler

Orange juice and baking soda

Joseph's method

People cease to amaze me.  No lie.  When I think I've heard and seen it all, something else comes out of the wood work. Sometimes, I just wonder how and why people do or say the things they do. Then again, I wouldn't waste my time nor sanity trying to understand people that I really don't care about.
So, Chemistry class a few days ago was the greatest ever. We had gotten a new chart on different types of reactions. Some of them were obvious, yet others not so much. One of them was a type of decomposition where when an acid and base mix to produce salt water. After discovering this, Joseph expressed his idea as to how the ocean was formed. He said, "So, Acid Mountain plus Base Mountain equals salt water. Lots of salt water makes ocean. So, I think that orange juice and baking soda makes oceans. There. Sheer genius." Hah, I adore that guy. He makes class so much more amusing. Just goes to show that the thought process of a guy isn't all that grand at times.
So, to address a lingering topic, apparently I'm a "huge liar". Really? Allow me to enlighten you oh bad-mouthers. I rarely lie. Everyone does sooner or later in life, this we have established. Although nine times out of ten, I'm simply being sarcastic. I'm sarcastic to the level of obnoxious and nauseating sometimes. Some people see it as lying, others see it as being a bitch, and people that know me realize that it's just a part of my personality. I have no shame in my frequent use of sarcasm. But to call me a liar is just exaggerating.
Speaking of lies, apparently, I'm spreading them about other people as well. Again, really?! Somebody just needs to get over themselves. I have better things to do with my spare time than to speak of something I don't care about. Case closed, enough said.
Have I mentioned how much I love lunch conversations? I think not. Allow me to elaborate. My friends and I tend to strike conversations that vary from, "See, ugly people are meant for each other.", to, "...So then I proceeded to own him on Black Ops while stoned. I dare you to try that. It's not as easy as it sounds.", to, "She's a whore! Everyone knows that! Go, walk up to that guy over there and ask him about her. Ten bucks says he'll start to explain their encounters of rigorous activity.", to lastly, "I dislike it when I can't determine someone's gender by their appearance. You should go ask... Better yet, Let's just yell "Hey girl!" and "Hey boy!"; seeing which it responds to." Where would I be without Kate, Cory, Mandi, and Ryan? I have no idea. Sad part is, half of it consists of picking on horrendous people. Call it cruel but there's just nothing better to talk about at TD.
Moving on, I think I'm going to do a 30-day-challenge blog; instead of doing it in a photo album like everyone else. I'll probably just use the Keep Me Post-it URL instead of making a new page. I'll post the link within the next few days and keep it on the side. One could also access it by going to my profile, scrolling down, and selecting the "30 Day Challenge" blog.


Click on the title. It's america in a nut shell. Well, sort of.


L M Butler

A real wake up call

Sadly but surely, I miss the kids that I was "teaching".  They might have been a handful at times, although they were amusing and had "spirits", as 'C' had called it.  Some of these kids were unique for their own reasons, and some had a life story worth writing a book on.  There was this one boy who was 12 years old, who grew up in the heart of downtown Dallas. He came from the lower-middle-class and knew a life of drugs and crime.  He and I talked often and we became good buddies.  I asked him one day, "What's the most memorable thing you've ever been through?"

He replied, "Surviving a drive-by in Dallas.  My friend, who was with me, didn't though, he got shot."

It's a real wake up call when a child this young, tells you something like this.  I couldn't help but feel bad for the boy.  He was so sweet and so smart, although he was traumatized from a young age.  He said to me, "I tried to help my uncle get clean, me and my friend did.  But he said that he didn't want to, that stealing and using was easy for him.  That's all he wanted to do.  My family made me move here, from Texas.  They didn't want me to get hurt..."

This boy didn't choose this life for himself, his situation did.  I wish I could give him a better life, but I know I can't.   I feel helpless, although he does too.  I feel like it's people like myself who are too wrapped up in their own problems and own life, to help somebody else like this boy.  But this needs to change.  I'm trying my hardest, giving my 110%, to get over everything so I can make a difference.  I'm tired of just seeing change, I want to be the change.  I don't want to see things happen, I want to make them happen.

On another note, in my own battle with myself, I'm still confused.  I miss Zack, but then again, I think of the Pro's and Con's.  It seems that no matter what, I can only find the positive in him, despite the faults.  I wish I could see him one last time before Longwood, but it kills me to know that I won't.  He's leaving, he doesn't want to talk to me or see me, and I refuse to settle for that.  I'll never see him again once he leaves, and I'm not quite at the point of acceptance.  Although if I keep myself worried about him and when I'll speak to him next, I'll never get to do things I dream of.  He was my dream, but some dreams, need time.  It's time, now, that I focus on other dreams.

And I just can't keep living this way

So starting today, I'm breaking out of this cage

I'm standing up, I'ma face my demons

I'm manning up, I'ma hold my ground

I've had enough, now I'm so fed up
Time to put my life back together right now!

"Not Afraid" - Eminem

L M Butler

"I wanna hang out with my wang out!"

Tutoring and teaching students is much harder than it seems.  I'm a 4th and 5th grade tutor and the students are hilarious.  Considering the innocence of a 9 year old, I couldn't stop laughing at what this one little boy had to say to me one day.  "Ms. L, I wanna hang out with my wang out!", said JB.

"Excuse me?! You're 9 years old!", I replied in amusement.

JB said, "I know, but the ladies like it.  They call me cute and sweet and adorable."

"Because you're NINE!", I said.

"Age is only a number baby.  Speaking of numbers, may I have yours?", JB said with a smile.

This little boy is the funniest child in the world.  He's loud and misbehaves quite often, although I must admit I find it amusing at times.  

On another note, I'm trying my hardest to leave Zachary out of my mind.  My opinion is, I've made an effort to be friends and be polite, although if you're going to ignore my texts and be a jerk about everything, then there's no need for me to waste my time on somebody who doesn't want me to bother them.  Time will tell if it was either meant to be or if he actually cares enough to remain friends.  Otherwise, I need to look forward and move on, no matter how difficult it may be.  Change could be all I need.  Although, I have a feeling that I will always love him and care about him deep down, to some degree.  "Maybe it's time to change, And leave it all behind, I've never been one to walk alone, I've always been scared to try, So why does it feel so wrong, To reach for something more, To wanna live a better life, What am I waiting for?, 'Cause nothing stays the same, Maybe it's time to change." Maybe - Sick Puppies

L M Butler