It is what it is, I guess

My desk chair... More shit breaking...

I swear, more shit goes wrong in my life than good most of the time. One thing good happens, then forty bad things happen. Whether it is from simple to major things, it never fails. I'm so tired of Murphy's Law weighing down on me that I just want to cry and sleep.
There for a while, everything was great. I was happy, with my friends, everything was going right for a change. But here within the past month, everything has gone to shit again. Whether I am broke as a joke or something breaks, it all happens at once. There is really not a whole lot for me to look forward to. Fun things are about to happen, but I am forbidden from doing any of them because of various reasons.
My Senior year is coming up and it's bittersweet. I'm excited to leave, no doubt. However, I am not happy with my schedule at all. However, I am dropping my most hated class, so that is a plus. Also, my parents are fighting me about which college I am allowed to attend. I have changed my mind about UVA and I would rather go to ODU, Old Dominion University. It still has a great engineering program and it is less expensive. My parents want me to go to a community college, but I refuse. I am not dumb enough for those schools. They are for slackers and people who just are not smart enough for the "big, bad" universities. I am at the point to where my attitude is, "Fuck it." and move on. I am not going to argue with them. I am tired of hearing the same old lecture and getting yelled at over nothing. So, when I graduate, I will pack my bags, find a job, and get the hell out of my house. I am so over it.
Prom is coming up and it sounds like it is going to be pretty nice. I do not know if it can top last year's, but it sounds nice. I want to go but then again I have the same attitude about Prom as college at this point. People want to argue and I am tired of wasting my breath on an endless, losing battle. I have my dress and everything but no date, nowhere to get my hair done, no money to put into the rest of the things I need (jewelry, nails, hair, dinner, etc.). So, I just do not care.
It seems like I am returning back to my "IDGAF" attitude about a lot of things. It is probably for the best in some cases anyway. Forget it.
Do not get me wrong, things could be worse... I just do not want things to go wrong in the first place. It is too much at one time...


Shit happens.


L M Butler

The end is near

I feel like it's been forever since I've posted. Busy does not even describe my life anymore. I barely have time to breathe. Any time I get to relax, I sleep. I am just so exhausted with all of the work I have been doing. So, here's a bit of an update...


November:

Grayson

This was a great month. Busy, but great. I had a break over Thanksgiving and that was my time to relax. I hung out with the best guy ever and I really developed some serious feelings for him. We are not dating, but I wish we were.
Back around my moms birthday, my cat Samantha went outside and never came home. We ended up getting a new baby kitten name Grayson. It's not the same, but I'm adjusting.
The rest of this month is fuzzy to me.


December:

I was sick the entire month of December. It was miserable. I still somewhat had it leading into January too. I missed two exams because I could not function at all because of the medicine I was taking. I had a two week long break to recover from my sickness and relax.
I got to spend time with some amazing people and get to know this one guy a lot better. Slowly but surely, he's becoming a good friend of mine. A lot of things probably would have gone wrong had I not gotten to know him better when I did. Thanks a million Prevost. <3


January:

Welcome To My World
:)

Welcome 2012!


School wise, Busy busy busy busy busy. I have barely been able to catch my breath this month. With the end of the semester coming, teachers have piled tons of work on my head and it's making it miserable. Especially with missing school from being sick, it's just even more difficult to catch up.
Friend wise, it's been back and forth. There's a certain person that I became somewhat close to, but then they had one of their bipolar fits again. In other words, they are back to ignoring me and hating me because I would not give them what they wanted. The whole situation just annoys me... As for the guy I really became close to back in November, he and I are still friends. Now he has a "best friend", which it is completely obvious they are more than that. But, hey, whatever. We are not dating, so I shouldn't care. But he and I have been acting like this somewhat... Couple type figure. More than a friendship, less than a relationship. So, a flirtationship. He means the world to me, but it's obvious that the feeling is not mutual. It's disappointing from my end, but hey. Can't change what is. I just love spending time with him and he cheers me up, no matter what the situation is. He always makes me smile and laugh. His company makes me happy. Even though I never wanted to, I think I have fallen for this guy.
There have been a lot of friends gained and lost in the past year. Both amazing and horrible. I always hate losing friends over stupid matters, but it only makes me reconsider everything. I am, as I've said before, a firm believer that things happen for a reason. They always have and always will.
Graduation is getting closer and closer. All of the seniors are talking about beach week and going off to college. It will be so sad to see some of them leave, but I'm ready for this year to be over. I have a pretty good idea of who I will keep in touch with and who I will not. It's only about 15 people or so, but that's more than I expected. Once I go off to college, I probably will not talk to many people from my graduating class.
Prom is only 4 months away now! I'm excited. I got my dress back in August, so I don't have to bother with shopping for one. I am pretty much all set. Just, no date... ): Bummer. We shall see what happens as we get close to the actual evening itself.
I know it is only January, but I can't stop thinking about the summer. I just hope this summer lives up to last summer.
Here lately I have been going to the eye doctor a lot. I have high pressure on my eyes, and it is possible that I have an early onset of glaucoma. I have had some intense headaches too, which bring up the suspicion of another brain tumor. I go at the end of this month for more tests and an MRI. Hopefully there is no tumor or glaucoma. I pray there is nothing at all.


There is so much more I could write about, but it's all a blur. Hours feel like minutes, days feel like weeks. Weeks run together, time flies by. Hopefully I will have time to update before 3 months from now...


L M Butler

Just make a fist and let go

Pep rally line up
Lol little football

Honestly, "same shit, different day" is the story of my life right now. All of the days blend together and I can't seem to keep track of time very well. My time of good luck seems to be off and on. One day I'm having the time of my life and then a few days later, it all goes to crap. Whatever. I'm trying to make the best of it but it seems that I can't control much of what happens.
Homecoming was last weekend and it was amazing. It was a long, tough week, but I survived. Hahah. Spirit week went really well, even though there was an underground week going on too. Here's a picture from Senior Citizen/ Baby Day:

Harrison, an old man with dementia, and Drew, an old, cripple
These guys are the BEST <3

The dance was pretty good. As always though, a guy made me upset there. It never fails... On the flip side, the morning before the dance was amazing. The guy I really like came over for a couple hours after film and we just chilled. It's nice being around him. He's so hilarious. I really wish we could date, but I know it wouldn't probably last through football. I'd get too pissed that we wouldn't be able to see each other much. Maybe once the season ends we can give it a go... I hope.

My crown - TD tradition

School is going well but God forbid it not be crazy. Boswell's class is kicking my butt. I'm so ready for this 9 weeks to be over. NOW. Even though I have a B, it's barely there... Haha. God help me.
Friends and I aren't getting along well. I'm just sort of keeping to myself. I'm just so tired of drama, lies, rumors, and bullcrap. I don't need it pulling me down again. I've finally moved past it all and I don't want it to follow me. It seems like everybody that can find a fault with me right now is doing so. I'm so tired of being put down about the small things. Some people need to put themselves in check and stop worrying about what other people do wrong. I'm not perfect, never will be, and never claim to be.
I'm going to visit UVA in a couple weeks. I'm so excited. I hope I really like it, considering I want to go there SO bad. My guidance counselor asked why I want to apply for only really hard schools. I was like, "They're all difficult? I have a 4.2 GPA. I think I'm good..." Hahah, forreal though.
Back to the guy thing, I can't seem to get him off my mind. I never thought I would ever feel this way about him. Honestly, I didn't know if I would ever like him at all. It's really strange though. I haven't felt this way about someone since Zack, in the terms of how much and why. It's like, I acknowledge his faults and downfalls, but I still care about him and love being around him. However, I don't think it's a good thing. I know he and I wouldn't last any long than high school and I don't want another huge disappointment. On top of it, I don't think he feels the same way... Which makes it worse.
I've been so tense lately. Between school, after school, drama, orchestra, and everything else, I'm slammed. I'm so done with useless people. 


I can't wait to leave all of this behind. Home is where the heart is and my heart isn't here anymore. I'm ready for a change again.


L M Butler


PS,
FOLLOW ME on Twitter! (: @LMButlerrrr - it's a link.

Pot of gold

Spirit shirt I made to support Christian.
"SOLIS-SHEPPERSON"

I honestly believe that good things happen to people who channel good energy to them. I know that sounds like a hippie way of saying it, but that's the only way I can think of putting it for now. I've been in a great mood and have ignored all of the bad things going on in my life right now; and now all of a sudden a lot of things are getting better and going right. I have not been this happy in a long time.

My friends seem to be coming around. After the whole argument with beloved Shaql, I thought our friendship was completely over. As in never speaking ever again. Well, it seems that I was wrong. I finally got the chance to talk to him, and he was not as 'pissed off' as I thought he was. He is just been super super super busy, and I can understand that completely. I feel so much better about the whole situation now that he and I talked about everything. He is such a great friend and I love him to death. I do not know what I would do without him. In full honesty though, I would probably miss his smile and laugh the most. Hahah.

So, there's this guy... Hahaha. Typical starter for me, eh? Anyway, His name is Tevin. He is insanely hilarious and really sweet. He is a pretty great guy that I hope becomes a long term friend. I also got a letter from my best friend the other day. He says he is doing well but he is really struggling with being so isolated. I feel bad for him, but hell will be home soon. I can not wait to see him. 

"You're wearing #24 on you one way or another..."

Homecoming is coming up in three weeks. THREE weeks. That is it! I am going bananas. There is so much to do and nobody is helping me. Sometimes I wondering why I ran for SCA VP. All we have done so far though is figure out the themes for the Spirit Week days and the Homecoming Dance theme. However, we still have to get them approved by the administration and everything. The process is taking forever and I doubt this whole thing will go smoothly. I am so tired of having a shitty crappy HC Dance. I hope that we have better decorations this year. Wait, we WILL have better decorations this year because I am the one planning it. Duh. :)

School is going pretty good. Boswell's class is kicking my ass butt though. She is a demon lady, I swear. Hahaha. Surprisingly, AP US History is going really well. I enjoy the class and I am not doing too bad. Mr. Duncan is the best teacher ever. I take my SAT on December third, so wish me luck. I am a little nervous about it, but I think I will do pretty good. After I get my results, I am applying for college! YAY!

Also with school, I have All County Orchestra coming up as well. That is in two weeks. Then, in four weeks the entire Orchestra has our Fall concert. The Concert Orchestra is pretty good this year and we are playing some good music. I am really looking forward to it.

I take Behind The Wheel in two weeks to get my license. I am so excited. AND I get my braces off in five weeks. I am counting down the days, believe me. I will be so happy to get these little suckers off my teeth. The Orthodontist said they will look fantastic.

As I said before, it is like everything is going really great at the moment. I have some amazing friends and have left the bad ones behind. I get my license soon and my braces off very soon as well. To top it off, school is pretty great right now too. Need less to say, I am a very happy girl right now. It seems I have hit my Pot of Gold.

L M Butler

Honesty is the best policy

School has started and we hit the ground running. I had three papers due, three quizzes, and two tests, ALREADY. It's week two people! Stupid AP and honors classes. It's not too bad I guess, I'm just lazy. Senioritis has set in like crazy. However, I also noticed that CCPS gave us more days off this year. Which is pretty awesome. We also have this stupid thing called "Enrichment Period" instead of Friday Focus. I actually like it, a lottttt. It gives me forty-five minutes to do the homework I didn't complete the night before. Haha, yes I'm so over the whole school thing.
It is getting chilly here in the VA. Fall is approaching and it feels great. I love the Fall season. I feel so bad for countries that don't have more than one or two seasons.
So, about that guy and I. Yeah, it's too far gone. Somebody started rumors and they got to him. He flipped bananas on me and now refuses to notice I exist. Hah, really? I hate it when people automatically believe rumors and don't let the other person defend themselves. No, you don't have to believe me, but you at least owe me the chance to explain my side. If he was any type of good friend, in my opinion, he would. If not, nothing lost, eh? I can't believe it is only two weeks into the school year and bitches are already starting drama, mostly Seniors at that. Really? Grow up, forreal.
So far Dale has lost the first two games of the football season. The whole team is really down about it. Next Friday is the first home game, so hopefully that will go better. It's against Petersburg, so I doubt it honestly... There's going to be a pep rally before the game, too. So maybe that will boost the guy's confidence and help them win. I'm excited to go see them play. I think it will be a good, possibly close game. And I get to see Demetrick too.
I'm really looking forward to December. I not only get my license, but I also get my braces off. I'm so excited. I also take my SAT on December 3rd. That I'm not too hype about. On the other hand, I'm excited to apply for college this coming May.
College is another story. I'm still applying for Univer. of Mich. and UVA, but not for Aerospace Engineering. I've decided that getting a degree in Mechanical Engineering with a focus on Aerospace would get me farther in the long run. Then again, at this point, I would rather just go study something random, like Psychology. Then again, I would shoot myself is I were a therapist. I have enough problems of my own, and I don't want to listen to other people's for a living. Harsh? A little, maybe. At least I'm honest.


L M Butler