Time flies when you're having fun

Little Terrell

I feel like it has been forever since I've posted. Geez. I could've sworn it was June yesterday. Anywho...
So, today was the last day of teaching summer school at MCES. After about the second week or so, some of the kids stopped coming. This one kid, Josh, was obnoxious as shit crap. When he didn't come for the last week, I was so excited. I hate to say it, but I am glad I never have to see that child again. Most of the kids were really adorable. There was one kid named Terrell and he was the cutest little thing ever. He was barely over three feet tall and the most polite child ever. Some of the kids, I will actually miss.
So, this past weekend I went to a Weezy concert. It was AMAZING! Probably the best concert I have ever been to. I'll make an entire post about it in a few minutes.
So, this guy and I are really hitting it off. He is so sweet. I miss having a relationship with somebody that's more than a friendship. I just wish people were not so harsh about this guy and I dating. He sort of has a bad reputation with girls. However, I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. I just really hope I don't get labeled as a whore for dating this guy. We shall see...
"Best friend" leaves in a little less than two weeks. He and I have barely talked since school let out. I'm not necessarily surprised considering we've grown apart, but I am a little disappointed. He seems to be full of broken promises, yet again. Whatever. I refuse to let him get me down. I'm to the point of where I am above that.
I must say, the past two weeks of my Summer have been the best. I've gotten along with my family great, I have a boyfriend that isn't a dick, teaching went well, I went to the best concert ever, and so much more. It feels great to be happy. It really does.
So, the coolest thing happened the other day. I found my elementary school best friend on Facebook. It made my day. I haven't talked to him in almost 9 years, but we picked up a conversation like it was just yesterday in third grade. I absolutely love catching up with old friends. I can't wait to have lunch with him one day soon and get up to date on everything in our lives.
School starts in almost a month. I'm freaking out. I can't wait for this year to start. Only thing is, I have volleyball tryouts in a week and I'm not ready in the least bit. It's going to kick my ass butt. The classes I'm taking this year are simply awesome. I am mostly looking forward to my Hon. Forensic Chemistry, Hon. Physics, and AP History classes. Even though they will be a lot of work, I still am excited about the whole shabang. I also can't believe I'm going to be SCA Vice President this year. Planning Homecoming is going to be a blast. I just hope I can get the perfect HC dress to go.
My birthday is in 33 days! I'm super hype. I was originally going to have a party, but I can't now that we don't have very sufficient funds. Oh well... I'll get over it. I am really curious to see if a certain someone wishes me a "happy birthday" considering all the crap that has happened in the past year. If I don't I will not be surprised. The guy acts like he doesn't want me in life life, period. If he doesn't, fine. Have it your way, dude. I am done fighting an ever-losing battle with you.


"If I never see you again, it's your problem. I've made the effort. Now it's your turn."


Ohh, and CLICK on the title. It'll take you to a really cute video. (:

Here are some photos from the school:

From left to right -
Le'Roger, Kamahn, Ernest, Tzion, Jaila, me
Efrain,Naahjae, Jakobe, Terrell, Hunter, Chris
<3

Chris <3

Jakobe <3

L M Butler

Mind made up

Wow, I feel like it's been forever since I've posted something. As always, I'm busy doing other things and I don't get a chance to log on to my computer. Oh well, whatever. Here's what's been up...
At the end of June I went to a Leadership Institute thingy-ma-jig. It's basically a three day camp where you learn how to become an even better leader. It was such a joke. The first and third day were a lot of fun, but the second day was awful. We had to sit from 9a. until 5p. listening to two stupid people talk about discrimination and core values. I just wanted to fall asleep. So, I put my shades on and closed my eyes. Hah. Terrible, I know. However, it was so boring that I wanted to beat my head on the floor. Thank God I had had my morning coffee. That bad - really. I kid you not.
I've started working again at the summer school program at Marguerite Christian again. This year it's second graders. They listen OK, but some have awful attitudes. Most of them can't even spell their name, and they are going into the third grade. That is just sad... Very sad. Dealing with kids that can not even write a complete sentence - and are supposed to be able to- is so very difficult. It is so stressful.
It has been raining like crazy here the past few days. My yard is flooded and several trees have fallen down. I love the rain, but not when it is trying to kill me. Ya know?
The other night, I went to River's Bend Grill with my mom. We had the cutest waiter ever. So was tall, handsome, had sexy facial hair, great built body - the works. Mom and I decided to play "The Waiter Game". It's where we try to guess how old the waiter is and see if they are material I would be interested in. Mother guessed 22 and I guessed 24. When I finally asked him his age, he said 27. He looked so much younger and I was really disappointed. Before I walked out, he turned around and I asked me how old I was. I asked him, "Well, how old do you think I am?" He said, "21?", in a 'please' tone. Hahah. You wish, man.
Here lately I have been on this sushi frenzy. That's all I've been eating for almost every meal. It's crazy. I'm not complaining though because doing so has caused me to lose 10 lbs. Hah. Which is quite awesome.
My friend Dale left for Basic Training yesterday. I wish him the best. I am going to miss him so much. I know he will be great. He's the best. Also, my "best friend" leaves in about a month and same goes for him. I hope they both do well and enjoy the lives ahead of them. Sadly, I don't know that I'll keep in touch with either of them.
The London 2012 trip has been cancelled. I'm so devastated. It sucks monkey nuts. Major monkey nuts. I was really looking forward to going on that amazing trip, but now it's ruined. Awesome... Just fucking fantastic.
I've decided that I'm going to do the early application for the University of Michigan. I am so so so so excited. I really hope that I get a scholarship for the Aerospace Engineering program or something. That would be amazing. However, if all else fails, I will apply for the University of Virginia. I would be content with that too. I would prefer to go to U of M though... I'm really looking forward to going to college, even though I sort of like high school. This coming year is going to be the greatest. All of the classes I'm taking are going to be pretty cool and all of the clubs I'm an officer in are going to be tons of fun.
My birthday is coming up and I have no idea what to do. I want a party, but everything I want is way too expensive. We just can't afford it. Honestly, even if I had one, I don't think many people would come. My friends are assholes sometimes.
Speaking of friends, my best friend Kelsey and I pretty much gave up on our friendship the other night. We have been best friends since the fifth grade. I love her to death and she's like a sister to me. We have always had each other's backs and always hang out. Sadly, we have kind of developed different ideas on totally opposite spectrums and it just doesn't meet in the middle anymore. Over the years, her and I both have grown up and grown out of old habits and styles. Our personalities haven't changed, but our mind sets have. We have seriously different goals and it just came down to the fact that we have grown out of each other. Get what I mean? Time just withered our friendship away. It upsets me a lot to not be friends with her anymore, just because we were so close. On the other hand, it's good to be moving on with my life and her moving on with hers.
I got to thinking the other day, and I noticed I have not really "dated" someone in a while. Yeeeaahhh, there is "best friend", but that's getting old and he is leaving anyway. A guy and I have been talking and we both are at the point of where we want to be referred to as an item. However, my mom doesn't like the idea - at all. All because of one thing. He's not white. My parents are not racist or anything, and I certainly am not. OK, yeah I make a joke here and there, but I don't discriminate against anyone because they are not white. Whatever. In the end, it's my decision.


This summer has been going pretty swell. All I need, is a trip.


L M Butler

Bro, she's a hoe

Last day in English with Mrs. Holdell

You know, here lately I haven't wanted to get on the computer very much. Probably because I've been spending all-nighters and crap because of school. I feel like I've been neglecting my blog. Hah. Oh well, it's summertime now. Bring it on.
Graduation is done and over with. Congratulations to the TDHS class of 2011. I didn't cry at all, unlike last year. (But we all know why that was) I even surprised myself. Hah. Everyone in the orchestra whooped for Dale B. He looked so spiffy. And my best friend looked amazing. I couldn't be happier for him. I hope he enjoys what is in store for him. I know he'll be great.
I'm finally done with school, for now. My exams were beyond easy. I don;t know why I fretted them. Hah, however this summer is going to be crazy. I'm teaching again, but this year it's second graders. God, please help me. Hah. I also have to start all of my grant and scholarship applications. First two on the list, University of Virginia and University of Michigan. I'm hype, but a little scared.
Other interesting things right now are... I have poison ivy again. Again! I hate this crap with a passion. I just want to torch it all. Also, I have a date tomorrow night. I really don't want to go but I feel like it would be mean to stand him up. I'm too nice sometimes. Ya know? Whatever. I'll probably just tell him I'm sick or something then block his number. HAH! Sorry, brah. That's mean, I know. However, I really don't care. I'm really not interested in dating anyone right now. After the last two guys, I don't want another break up like that. I'd rather just have a friend with a little something more. Hah. I know you're probably thinking, "Wow, man. She's a hoe." But no, I'm not. You and your little naughty school girl fantasies need to get a room.
I want next summer to hurry up and be here already. I can't wait to go to London for the Olympics. Hell, I'm not even having a sweet 16 party this year because of the cost of the trip. Oh well. Beggars can't be choosers. I haven't had a party in forever though, so I guess it doesn't matter. What I really want to do, is go to Longstreet's with a few friends for dinner. That'd be even better. 


So, here lately I've been addicted to Twitter. You twiggas out there should follow me - DanceInTeRain
:)


L M Butler

A real wake up call

Sadly but surely, I miss the kids that I was "teaching".  They might have been a handful at times, although they were amusing and had "spirits", as 'C' had called it.  Some of these kids were unique for their own reasons, and some had a life story worth writing a book on.  There was this one boy who was 12 years old, who grew up in the heart of downtown Dallas. He came from the lower-middle-class and knew a life of drugs and crime.  He and I talked often and we became good buddies.  I asked him one day, "What's the most memorable thing you've ever been through?"

He replied, "Surviving a drive-by in Dallas.  My friend, who was with me, didn't though, he got shot."

It's a real wake up call when a child this young, tells you something like this.  I couldn't help but feel bad for the boy.  He was so sweet and so smart, although he was traumatized from a young age.  He said to me, "I tried to help my uncle get clean, me and my friend did.  But he said that he didn't want to, that stealing and using was easy for him.  That's all he wanted to do.  My family made me move here, from Texas.  They didn't want me to get hurt..."

This boy didn't choose this life for himself, his situation did.  I wish I could give him a better life, but I know I can't.   I feel helpless, although he does too.  I feel like it's people like myself who are too wrapped up in their own problems and own life, to help somebody else like this boy.  But this needs to change.  I'm trying my hardest, giving my 110%, to get over everything so I can make a difference.  I'm tired of just seeing change, I want to be the change.  I don't want to see things happen, I want to make them happen.

On another note, in my own battle with myself, I'm still confused.  I miss Zack, but then again, I think of the Pro's and Con's.  It seems that no matter what, I can only find the positive in him, despite the faults.  I wish I could see him one last time before Longwood, but it kills me to know that I won't.  He's leaving, he doesn't want to talk to me or see me, and I refuse to settle for that.  I'll never see him again once he leaves, and I'm not quite at the point of acceptance.  Although if I keep myself worried about him and when I'll speak to him next, I'll never get to do things I dream of.  He was my dream, but some dreams, need time.  It's time, now, that I focus on other dreams.

And I just can't keep living this way

So starting today, I'm breaking out of this cage

I'm standing up, I'ma face my demons

I'm manning up, I'ma hold my ground

I've had enough, now I'm so fed up
Time to put my life back together right now!

"Not Afraid" - Eminem

L M Butler